The Squopsman, number 4

THE SQUOPSMAN

The journal of the Scottish Tiddlywinks Association

 Issue Number 4 • St Andrews • August 1995 • PDF

3rd ScotTwA Pairs

The Ballachulish League

by Andy Purvis

He was staring blankly at the computer screen when they found him. Occasionally, a furrow appeared on his brow, as though reflecting the passage of a thought through his mind. Some hope. He’d been missing for three days, and his dilapidated state suggested he’d been here all that time, just staring blankly at the screen.

The police doctor tried to attract his attention, to distract his numbed brain from the whirling screensaver that played across the inscrutable face of his computer. He did not respond to questions, shouts or even punches. Only when the doctor accidentally nudged the machine, reviving the screen to reveal a mildly desperate e-mail message from gat@st-andrews.ac.uk, did the poor soul start to murmur.

Cracked words over parched lips – eventually, the slow treacle of words congealed into phrases, but where was the meaning? “One of the pairs was by himself… two people were identical… you could only tell them apart by their scorelines… I’ve forgotten… what month was it?Katie played really well… lots of close games… bitterly cold day…thank goodness for the coffee… obscure fishing villages?”

The doctor turned to his chief. “It’s a sad case. I’ve seen this kind ofthing before – chap called Keyte was found writing a stream of unconsciousness last year. They promise to write up the tournament, but they leave it for months and only realise at the last minute that they lost their memory in the Wine Bar. There’s no treatment. He’ll just get more confused – kindest thing is to shoot him. Well, maybe not the kindest, but it’s certainly the most fun.”He took a small but convincing pistol from his case, and placed the barrel to the poor wretch’s head.

Just as the doctor cocked the trigger, the man sat bolt upright and said in a clear and confident voice, “I remember now! We qualified for the second day!” Surprised by this happy turn of events,the doctor relaxed his grip on the pistol. But the man’s eyes were already clouding over, and his speech lost conviction again. “… Sunday? … two middle-aged men drinking all the whiskies… winks? … Someone won…”There was a loud bang, and a long, long silence.

Plockton League

via Julian Porter

To the Tiddlywinks

by Virginia Woolf

1. The Window
“Yes, of course, if it’s fine tomorrow,” said Mrs. Ramsey. “But you’ll have to take your own squidgers,” she added.

To her son these words conveyed an extraordinary joy, as if it were settled that the expedition were bound to take place, and the tiddlywinks that he had been looking forward to playing for, it seemed to him, all his life, would finally be his. James Ramsey, sitting on the floor, carving a new potting squidger from his father’s American Express Gold Card, was filled with an exquisite bliss that, as he (even at six years old) was of that clan who cannot separate one pleasure from another, he saw the whole world turned into a place fringed with joy. The pint glasses cluttering the bar-top, the half empty packets of dry-roasted peanuts, and even the remains of a vegetarian lasagne were coloured for him with a sensual pleasure that seemed contradicted by his severity of appearance.

“But,” said his father, stepping in from the Beer-Garden, “it won’t be fine.”

had there been a Kalashnikov handy, a carving knife or even a Molotov cocktail that would have killed his father, James would gladly have used it. He knew that his father spoke not from any desire to dash his desires, but simply because he knew that he was right, and he was always right, but that did not make it hurt James any less. He was glad that he’d decided to cut up his father’s credit card.

“But it may be fine- I expect it will be fine,” said Mrs. Ramsey, once again filling her son with hope that his longing might be fulfilled. But now he no longer felt the pure joy he had earlier, as his father had spoken, and his father was always right. Anyway, how could they afford to get to St Andrews without any credit cards?

2. Time Passes

The pub emptied slowly, customers staggering into the encroaching night, or in some cases being tipped into the gutter. As the publican turned off the lights on the Monopoly trivia machine the darkness began to slip into the interior, under doors, through cracks in the walls, passed insecurely closed shutters. It entered every part of the building, climbing into the glasses, investigating the insides of the pumps and gratefully hiding the kitchen waste. Mr. Ramsey realised that all of his credit cards had been turned into squidgers and promptly died of a heart attack.

Time passes, and cars begin to move around a system of roads in the country as if they were its blood flowing that it may retain life. Some moved perpetually circling the heart, or its capitoline equivalent, while some sped along the limbs and spine of the country, carrying their precious burden of life wherever they went. Mrs. Ramsey and James joined the flow through the neck, into the country’s seeming head.

3. The Tiddlywinks

Lily Briscoe stood where years before she had tried to make her painting, in Bell Street. She tried to recollect the image that she had had in her mind many years ago, of Mrs. Ramsey seated on the step, with her son James playing tiddlywinks in the street. All long gone, now Bell Street was being dug up yet again by the council, Mrs. Ramsey was long dead, sold by James to a white slaver, to pay for a patent squopping squidger, and James was even now using that squidger to reaffirm his pre-eminence in the Scottish Pairs tournament.

She had decided that today she would recapture that unfinished painting, fulfilling the vision that she had had years before. She set to work, placing on her easel a mass of colour for Mrs. Ramsey, against a smaller mass, which was James and his squidgers. She saw now why her picture had been left unfinished- it was unbalanced with no centre to it to make the whole complete.

She stood facing her canvas, seeking for anything that might bring back the inspiration of long ago, and then heard the tinkling of a wink in a pot.

“He has won,” she said, “it is finished.” And then suddenly turning round she picked up her brush. She looked at the steps, they were empty; she looked at her canvas, it was blurred. With a sudden intensity, as if she saw it for a second, she drew a tiddlywinks trophy there in the centre. It was done; it was finished. Yes, she thought, I have had my vision..

Achiltibuie Runners-Up League

by Benedict J. Soares

The runners-up league. Ah, yes — I remember now. This happened on the Sunday and was a league for the runners-up. People had the opportunity to change partners et c. so we could tell who wasn’t getting on well with their partner the day before. I was getting on so badly with mine that I changed and had a much better day. Ruth Levy made, I think, her debut appearance in a winks tournament — hopefully not the last.

So far as I remember, most of the games were relatively painless, with a clear trend on Geoff’s part starting in round one and continuing through all rounds except four, when he was joined by Ray Schöne to get a 7*. Geoff made sure of certain victory in round five by getting a 6-1 against Graham & Ed, who can be consoled by the knowledge that even a 61/2*-1/2* (most likely to occur in a game involving Geoff Thorpe) would only have tied 1st place. Meanwhile, the tried and tested partnership of Chris and Benedict were having a day of oscillating fortunes to tie 2nd place. They were probably relieved not to have won when Geoff was presented with his rather splendid trophy, the likes of which had not been seen since the St. Andrews Open earlier in the year.

It was decided by most of the players that after round five we should nip off down to the pier and pub, no doubt, on the way back.

It only remains to be said that although I gave a lift to someone who was hitch-hiking to Ballachulish the other day, have seen Plockton on the telly, and can sing a song about a womble called Tobermory (Who is the womble with hammer and nails? Tobermory-yy-y, Tobermory-y), I have yet to meet anyone who has been to Achiltibuie.

Saturday 22nd April

 Ballachulish League    A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   Total   ppg   Position
                                                                              
A   Tony Heading        -   1   6*  5   1   6   6   5     30    4.29    3     
    Nick Inglis                                                              
B   Rupert Wilson       6   -   6   4 1 2   6   3   6   33 1/2  4.79    1     
    Bruce Turnbull                    2                                        
C   Julian Cole         1*  1   -   1   3   5 1 0*  2   13 1/2  1.93    8     
    Graham Turnbull                           2                            
D   Katie Mills         2   2 1 6   -   3   5   5   5 1   29    4.14    4     
    Andy Purvis               2                       2                        
E   Patrick Barrie      6   5   4   4   -   5   6   2 1 32 1/2  4.64    2     
    Paul Grocott                                      2                        
F   Jeremy Scott        1   1   1 1 2   2   -   2   6   15 1/2  2.21    7     
    Alasdair Grant              2                                            
G   Geoff Thorpe        1   4   7*  2   1   5   -   5     25    3.57    5     
    Ray Schone                                                              
H   Ben Soares          2   1   5   1 1 4 1 1   2   -     17    2.43    6     
                                      2   2                                    

   Plockton League      A   B   C   D   E   F   G   Total    ppg   Position
                                                                          
A   Jon Mapley          -   4   7*  6   6*  6   1 1   30 1/2 5.08   2     
    Charles Relle                                 2                        
B   Matthew Rose        3   -   7*  6*  5*  6   4     31     5.17   1     
    Stew Sage                                                           
C   Andrew Dominey      0*  0*  -   7*  3   2   6     18     3      5=    
    Chris Goddard                                                         
D   Gavin Keyte         1   1*  0*  -   1   1*  2*     6     1      7     
    Jo Mitchell                                                         
E   Julian Porter       1*  2*  4   6   -   6   5 1  24 1/2  4.08   3     
    Elizabeth Whalley                             2                        
F   John Wilson         1   1   5   6*  1   -   4     18     3      5=    
    Ed Wynn                                                           
G   Geoff Myers         5 1 3   1   5*  1 1 3   -     19     3.17   4     
    Kirsty Wright         2               2                                

Sunday 23rd April

  Achiltibuie Plate     A   B   C   D   E   F   Total   ppg   Position  
  League                                                         
A   Andrew Dominey      -   6   1*  6   1   6     20     4      2=    
    Chris Goddard                                                   
B   Gavin Keyte         1   -   1*  2 1 1   5   10 1/3   2.07   5     
    Ruth Levy                         3                                
C   Graham Turnbull     6*  6*  -   4   1   3     20     4      2=    
    Ed Wynn                                                      
D   Jo Mitchell         1   4 2 3   -   0*  6   14 2/3   2.93   4     
    Ben Soares                3                                        
E   Geoff Thorpe        6   6   6   7*  -   6     31     6.2    1     
    (Ray Schone)+                                                     
H   Julian Cole         1   2   4   1   1   -     9      1.8    6     

+Ray partnered Geoff only in the game against D.

Tobermory Final League

by Bruce Turnbull

“Great Uncle Bulgaria, he can remember the days when he wasn’t behind The Times. With his map of he world, get out the plans and take them to Tobermory-ee.”

The final 16 wombled up to the Salad Bowl for the half nine squidge-off in the final league of the 1995 Scottish National Pairs. Four of the pairs were genetically identical (barring mutations) to four appearing two years ago; Great Uncle Charles and Bulgaria Mapley, Tomsk Sage and Orinoko Rose, Madam Whalley and Cholé Porter and Nick and Anthony McWomble. Were the champions to be among this awesome burrow of winkers, or was there a Wellington, spectacles raised, waiting in the wings? Bernard Crivvens tells all….

I don’t remember anything interesting happening in the first round other than to say that some people did win more of the seven points than others.

The second saw Nick and Tony avenge their previous day’s loss to Bruce and Rupert with a comfortable squop-up and pot-out for 5*-2*. A sound blow was delivered to the challenge from Jon and Charles by Andy and Katie with a 6-1, giving them an early overall lead. This was not to last beyond the third round where they met Stew and Matthew, the top seeds for the day, who displayed great form in being the only unbeaten pair going off to lunch.

The afternoon start seemed to come together quite nicely with everybody predicting with eerie accuracy how late their opponents were going to be. Top prize to Nick and Tony for scraping home two minutes before opponents Stew and Matthew, but making it sound like they had been back a good half hour, blah, blah :). Moral victories, however, seemed to be of little substance as they went down 6-1 to the invincible Sage and Rose, who had now extended their lead to five points ahead of the best of the rest, Andy and Katie.

Patrick and Paul moved into third position with a 51/2-11/2 over Jon and Charles who continued to bounce erratically between high and low scores. Bruce and Rupert finally pulled out of last place with a relaxed 6-1 over Geoff and Kirsty, but then met Charles and Jon back on the up bounce with a rapid 6*-1* pot-out, an equally rapid 7*-0* friendly pot-out, and just as friendly match no. 2 was getting interesting (yup, Charles was subbing all his winks under one of mine…) it came time for Rupert and Bruce to meet the most gruesome challenge of the day; The five times unbeaten Rose and Sage. The game started as the day’s form would predict but as the sun finally crept from behind the grey clouds and gave Stew the opportunity to live up to his eclipsing reputation, the gods got a bit sniffy with the invincibles and started to look more favourably on Bruce and Rupert who managed to snatch a 4-3 victory.

Jon and Charles (bouncing down) held on to three points against Geoff and Kirsty, But hope of tournament victory slipped from their grasp as they remained 71/2 points behind the leaders. Paul and Patrick took the only 6 of the final round, but even this left them 7 points behind Stew and Matthew (on 30) [surely they were on 80 -Ed]. The best hopes of a final challenge fell to Nick and Tony, and Andy and Katie, all on 231/2.

Andy and Katie were held to a 4-3 by Patrick and Paul, leaving only Nick and Tony to rise to the occasion with a 7*-0* against Geoff and Kirsty. Charles and Jon took 6 points in a final flourish to come third, but in avoiding the pot-out, Stew and Matthew finished half a point ahead of the Scots for a well deserved win.

Andy and Katie were fourth, and Patrick and Paul fifth, only five points off the lead. Julian and Elizabeth jumped to sixth with a solid victory over Bruce and Rupert (seventh) leaving Geoff and Kirsty, in her first Scottish Pairs in eighth place.

Stew and Matthew were presented with the ScotTwA quaich which was rapidly repossessed for mounting and engraving .

.

Tobermory Final League A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   Total   ppg   Position

A   Stew Sage          -   1   3   5   6   6*  5   5     31    4.43    1     
    Matthew Rose                                                               
B   Charles Relle      6   -   6*  1 1 6   1   5   3   28 1/2  4.07    3     
    Jon Mapley                       2                                        
C   Rupert Wilson      4   1*  -   2 1 2*  1   1   6   17 1/2  2.5     7     
    Bruce Turnbull                   2                                        
D   Patrick Barrie     2   5 1 4 1 -   1   3   6   4     26    3.71    5     
    Paul Grocott             2   2                                            
E   Tony Heading       1   1   5*  6   -   4 1 6   7*  30 1/2  4.36    2     
    Nick Inglis                              2                                
F   Katie Mills        1*  6   6   4   2 1 -   4   4   27 1/2  3.93    4     
    Andy Purvis                          2                                    
G   Julian Porter      2   2   6   1   1   3   -   4 1 19 1/2  2.79    6     
    Elizabeth Whalley                                2                        
H    Geoff Myers       2   4   1   3   0*  3   2 1 -   15 1/2  2.21    8     
     Kirsty Wright                               2                            


St Andrews Open

February 1995
by Graham Turnbull

1. The Format

Someone decided that we should create a new format. There was little wrong with last year’s friendly handicapped singles (apart from being a mouthfull), but wittiness had to prevail. So we pulled on our thinking caps, sat in a corner and waited.

Gradually, drop by drop, ideas trickled out of our mouths, down our chins and splished onto the carpet between our feet. A small pool of ideas formed which glistened in the glowing light bulbs above our heads. Why not try the Barrie Whist format? Why not play the games, and then choose partners? Why not multiply the scores by a fudge factor based on amount of facial hair? Why not choose an appropriate ensemble of an infinite number of copies of the tournament, and distribute them over all of the possible scores. We could then calculate the average format and use it.

We tried the latter idea. It turns out, after some turgid mathematics, that the average format is to randomly select partners for the first round, and subsequently use a Swiss draw to select partners. Opponents are drawn quasi-randomly throughout. For the final round everyone reverts to their original partnerships, and the winners are the original pairing with the highest combined score. Not really what you would have expected.

2. The Play

Anyway, the table below shows how it evolved, each row being a round. There were two people from outwith the town, Nick Inglis and Adrian Grant. Adrian demonstrated the timelessness of the unground squidger and pot-squop tactics. Nick showed how to win a tournament whatever format drops out of the equations. There were also three debutants- Rachel, Kirsty and Katie who all put in creditable performances.

But at the end of the day John and Nick took home the exquisite Thai dancers to place on their respective mantlepieces. Both wept with joy when presented with their trophies.

 Bruce       6*        1*      Adrian   Nick         6*        1*      Rachel   
 Graham                                 John                            Ben     
 Graham      6         1        John    Bruce        3         4      Nick Ben  
 Adrian                                 Rachel                                  
 Bruce       4         3        Nick    Graham       4         3        Ben     
  John                         Adrian   Rachel                                  
  Ben        3         4        John    Bruce        1         6        Nick    
 Graham                        Adrian                                           
  Nick       6         1       Graham   John Ben     3         4       Bruce    
                                                                       Adrian   
 Bruce       6*        1*      Adrian   Graham       2         5        Nick    
  Ben                          Kirsty   John                           Katie    
 Bruce       6         1       Graham   Ben          6*        1*       Nick    
  John                         Katie    Adrian                         Kirsty   
  Ben        5         2       Bruce    Adrian       5*        2*       Nick    
 Katie                         Kirsty   John                           Graham   
  Ben        6*        1*      Adrian   Nick         2         5       Bruce    
 Katie                         Kirsty   John                           Graham   

      Name             Points       Partnership             Rank        
                                    Total                               
 Bruce Turnbull        37 30        67                       2          
Graham Turnbull                                                         
  Adrian Grant         31 17        48                       4          
  Katie Mills*                                                          
  Nick Inglis          35 33        68                       1          
  John Wilson                                                           
   Ben Soares          37 8 5       50                       3          
     Rachel                                                             
   Sterratt*                                                            
 Kirsty Wright*                                                         

*These players only played for part of the tournament


The Silver Wink StATS-CUTwC

Friday 21st April 1995
by Graham Turnbull

Cambridge arrived at a sunny 18 Bell Street eager to kick off a marathon week of winks. I returned, warm and slightly crumpled, from the Union tumble driers to find my bedroom full of CUTwC. They were patiently waiting for thrills, spills, action and excitement.

We assured them that Ben knew about the accomadation and would arrive shortly. We fed them coffee and reassured them that Ben knew about the accomadation and would arrive shortly.

We set down the ground rules for the match. “You need to carry your guest card at all times and must hold your host’s hand when entering the Union. The card does not allow you to spend money at the bar, rather your hosts should make all purchases of refreshments (though only suspicious bearded characters were likely to be carded).”

We appologised that one of the guest rooms had been booked in the name of R. Thompson and so we required a volunteer to masquerade as Rupert for the weekend.

Ben arrived shortly and assured them that he knew about accomodation, that no one need be Rupert Thompson unless they particularly wished, and whisked Stew and Benedict of to Melville to book in.

An hour later than planned the inaugral StATS Silver Wink match set sail under the careful eye of captain redbeard. CUTwC fielded only seven players, the odd man out being Alasdair Grant. By the rules, Alasdair played for half points- so StATS were given a 14 point start.

Round 1 saw Paul and Julian grab six points against Stew and Chris, while Phil and Ed took six points from Bruce and Katie. Alasdair scored his first three point win of the evening andBen potted twice in round five to win a close 4-3 game against Andrew and Dave.

In Round 2 Cambridge overcame the modest St Andrews lead and forged ahead to 34-22. Stew and Chris blitzed Jo and John for 7, followed closely by Alasdair running in green to win 3*-4*. Cambridge won the other two games with a 6 and a 5 for a haul of 21 points.

Round 3 gave no relative change in the scores with a 1, 3, 4 and 6 to each team.

The final round saw a close match between Phil and Ed (the night’s top scorers with 21), and Paul and Julian who finished on a creditable 16 points. Jo and John, and Graham and Ben, were all squopped up before rounds by Andrew, Dave and Alasdair. In the last game of the day, Bruce ran four red winks in round zero to pot out against Stew and Chris 5*-2*.

So Cambridge finished 63-49 victors in a friendly contest enjoyed by all. The consistancy king was Alasdair Grant, who deserved six points for his run of straight threes.

     CUTwC      A Dominey   P Holdsworth  S Sage C    A Grant             
 StATS          D Carslake  E Wynn        C Goddard                         
                                                               
J Wilson             6           6           7*          3    6        
J Mitchell         1           1           0*          4                 
                                                             
P Grocot             4           4           1           3*   16       
J Cole             3           3           6           4*                   

K Mills              6           6           2*          3    11       
B Turnbull         1           1           5*          4                   

G Turnbull           3           5           1*          3    16
B Soares           4           2           6*          4              
                                                               49
                    19          21          11          12  63  

Team             Round 1          Round 2          Round 3          Round 4          
StATS            15               22               36               49               
CUTwC            13               34               48               63               


The Stockport Invitation

September 1994
by Jo Mitchell

Over six months later (yes, I’m a wee bit behind on tournament write-ups) anyway, over six months later and I can still smell the bathroom …

I mean, of course, the wonderful “lemon fresh” smell that flash liquid leaves after cleaning. I have to admit Geoff did have toilet cleaner but it was me that poured it down the toilet, while Colin cleaned the kitchen and Ben cleaned the dinning room. Anyone who remembers the last Stockport invitation may also remember that strange ritual which is prelude to tournaments in Stockport, namely clear-enough-space-in-Geoff’s-house-to-roll-out-a-winks-mat. But enough of Geoff’s hospitality and on to tiddlywinks.

Five people finally made their way to Sussex road, all from Stockport itself. The format was all-partner-all which made for interesting tactics if one actually wanted to win. The most important thing to do was to lose the game played with Geoff. Only Colin managed this feat after much training in the form of never actually playing tiddlywinks until the day of the tournament. Unfortunately the training regime also caused him to lose his other games and so undo the good work.

Three games were played before lunch. The scores will have to speak for themselves since I haven’t the faintest recollection of a single shot! For lunch, provided by a kind lady player, was the obligatory fare of lasagne, salad and garlic bread. Interestingly, this is apparently the only meal of which Geoff is not fond. I really didn’t know, honestly. After lunch Geoff’s lead became a little less convincing, leaving me only requiring a seven-nil for the tournament. However, Geoff or Colin must have got and held the squop because it appears that Jonanthan and I only won six-one.

Now I return to Geoff’s house, or actually his ingenious book-shelves since they really could not go without a mention. They consist of horizontal slats of wood suspended one below the next by a knotted cord and are fixed to the wall with little more than a couple of drawing pins. It is probably fortunate that Geoff’s taste in novels is so light weight.

Finally, I challenge all readers to write a more detailed piece on the tournament given only the score table which follows. My advice is always to take notes should you be asked to write up a tournament! [good idea -Ed]

   Geoff & Jo            5          2                  Ben & Jonathan   
  Ben & Geoff            7*         0*                   Colin & Jo     
Geoff & Jonathan         6          1                   Ben & Colin     
    Ben & Jo             7*         0*                Colin & Jonathan  
 Jo & Jonathan           6          1                  Colin & Geoff    

        Name                 Points                 Rank          
    Geoff Thorpe               19                    1            
    Jo Mitchell                18                    2            
     Ben Soares                17                    3            
 Jonathan Greenald             14                    4            
    Colin Conroy               2                     5            


The Chronicle

by Graham Turnbull

The tiddlywinks excitement of Silver Wink and Scottish Pairs must have permeated through the whole of St Andrews. So much so that it featured in The Chronicle- St Andrews’ independant student newspaper. The article came only a month after the event, squeezed between the orienteering and men’s hockey.Titled, in Chronicle style “A Bunch of Winkers”, it described how StATS “…put up a strong fight against a more experienced team, showing some highly skillful winking at times.” Continuing on to the Scottish Pairs, the absentee reporter raccounts, “The tournament proved to be of exceptional quality and was eventually won by the team of Matthew Rose and Stew Sage both from that awesome Cambridge club, who now go on, along with top Scots team (Nick Inglis & Tiny Heading) to challenge for the World Pairs title.”

Congratulations, Tiny, also from that awesome Cambridge club.


Letters To The Editor

Sir,

Charles Relle’s feet – an appreciation

Amid growing speculation that Charles Relle’s feet are too old for competitative tiddlywinks one must question what would become of those pedatory marvels if they were to be withdrawn from national competition.

Surely it would not be to the advantage of the tiddlywinks world to allow the Relle feet to deteriorate to a corned and bunioned state. Perhaps, therefore, the Powers That Be should approach the National Lottery seeking funds to buy the Relle feet for future preservation- I would think about [[sterling]]55M for the pair should suffice.

Yours aye,

Archie Ropedist

Sir,

In edition 3 of the Squopsman, the then editor, Mr. Soares in his (brief) editoral said:

“Umm, I haven’t really much else to say on the matter, but I promise you a dead big editorial next time.Oh yes, if you want to write anything for the Squopsman then do and we’ll probably put it in.”

False promises, Mr. Turnbull, false promises. I have taken some time to study the last edition (3a) of this journal and there is not a clause of editorial to be seen. Instead of the good old narg’s rant there is nothing but sensationalism. What sort of journal is this? Furthermore I was disgusted by the filthy, degrading picture in the Random Dot Stereogram. In my search for an editorial, I had to study this for many hours at a time. It has done little good for my eyesight.

I trust that you will publish this letter.

Disgruntled Winker

(Name and address supplied)

Sir,

I would be grateful if you would convey to the St Andrews town council my profound gratitude for their having uprooted Bell Street in my honour.

Yours sincerely,

Julian Porter


Minutes of the ScotTwA AGM

22nd April 1995
by Jo Mitchell

0. Graham gave a welcome.

1. Those in attendance are recorded on the attached sheet.[Not attatched to The Squopsman-Ed]

Apologies for absence were received from Andy Purvis and from Richard Hunt. Geoff Thorpe (subscribing non-member) gave apologies for his attendance.

2. The minutes of the 1994 annual general meeting had been read by all in The Squopsman.

3.1 The chairman (Graham Turnbull) reported that the main achievements of the year had been the successful running of two tournaments (namely the St. Andrews Open and the Scottish National Pairs) and the institution of ScotTwA pages on the infamous WORLD WIDE WEB!

Graham acknowledged that The Squopsman had not been as regular as in previous years.

Matthew Rose said “The Squopsman is better than Winking World and that’s a good reason to criticize Rupert Thompson, but who needs a good reason?”

3.2 Bruce Turnbull, as treasurer, expounded the financial achievements of the Association. The pre-tax profits were up 800% on last year giving a balance of approximately [[sterling]]100. Pay rises of 310% to all executives, pay-cuts (due to recession) to mats, winks and pots.

3.3 Richard Hunt reported (by letter to the secretary) that as vice-chairman he had demonstrated the game of tiddlywinks to the South East Scotland Wargames Club but fears that there is little interest.

Ben Soares apologized for the pathetic single sheet of paper he had been passing off as an issue of The Squopsman, three months late at that!

Tony Heading admitted that he’d not done much.

4. It was decided to return profits to the customer by freezing the subscription at the 1994 level of [[sterling]]3-50 (or [[sterling]]2-00 for unwaged) to cover the year.

5. Jo Mitchell was elected to the chair, proposed by Gavin Keyte and seconded by Ben Soares.

Nick Inglis was elected vice-chairman, proposed by Bruce Turnbull and seconded by Jo Mitchell.

Bruce Turnbull was elected secretary, proposed by Ben Soares and seconded by Gavin Keyte.

Gavin Keyte was elected treasurer, proposed by Matthew Rose and seconded by Gav…oops Jo Mitchell.

Graham Turnbull was elected to edit The Squopsman, proposed by Ben Soares and seconded by Gavin Keyte.

For the post of Tournament Convener Dr. Stewart Sage was proposed by Matthew Rose and seconded by Gavin Keyte while Mr. Benedict Soares was proposed by Julian Porter and seconded by Gavin Keyte. Stew polled 2 votes and Ben 7 votes in a secret ballot. Ben Soares was therefore duly elected to the post.

The meeting co-opted Tony Heading to continue his brilliant job as ETwA Liaison Officer.

6. Two motions were presented to the meeting.

(i) “This association opposes prize money in tiddlywinks” was proposed by Graham Turnbull and seconded by Gav of course. Eight were in favour, no-one against with four abstentions. The motion was carried.

(ii) “This association advocates jelly in tiddlywinks” was proposed by Tony Heading and seconded by Geoff Myres. Five were in favour and five against with no abstentions. The association therefore has no official policy on jelly in tiddlywinks.

7. ScotTwA The Brave was sung lustily and with good courage.

Should anyone have any comments or objections to the minutes, I suggest you either leave a message in the guestbook in Ben Soares’ Home Page at http://www-groups.dcs.st-and.ac.uk:80/~ben/index.html (wherever that may be), or wrap it ound a brick and throw it at your nearest post office.


Editorial Newsy Round-Up

Welcome to my first edition of the Squopsman, I hope that you enjoy reading it. This edition has no less than seven pages of tournament reports- thanks to all who contributed. It’s amazing how a little imagination can compensate for a little memory.

I should mention that ScotTwA is bobbing up and down in the electromagnetic ocean; those with a surfboard should paddle along to http://www-groups.dcs.st-and.ac.uk:80/~ben/tiddlywinks/

Any web sight with 80/~ in its name must be worth a look.

I’ve not a clue when the next ScotTwA tournament will be, but 1996 is likely. The next Squopsman will appear around that time, and any contributions will be welcomed in any shape or form.

Graham.


The Ratings

by Nick Inglis, a world full of winkers and a BBC micro 

Many thanks to Nick who provides these (unofficial) ratings. These are complete up to, but not including, the London Open.

	Name		New R	Old R	Diff	RG	Pl	ppg
Larry Kahn 2643 2643 0 70 83 5.169

Geoff Myers 2627 2627 0 55 55 4.236

Andy Purvis 2553 2552 1 80 80 4.381

Dave Lockwood 2523 2523 0 74 74 4.408

*Julian Porter 2489 2489 0 13 13 3.385

Patrick Barrie 2472 2472 0 84 98 3.978

Simon Gandy 2420 2420 0 57 57 4.611

Richard Moore 2412 2412 0 63 63 4.643

Matthew Rose 2405 2405 0 83 83 4.496

Jon Mapley 2330 2330 0 63 63 4.116

Nick Inglis 2318 2318 0 44 54 4.148

Charles Relle 2312 2312 0 51 51 4.271

Alan Dean 2254 2254 0 39 39 4.491

*Bruce Turnbull 2241 2241 0 13 27 3.556

Rick Tucker 2232 2232 0 32 32 4.266

Anthony Heading 2221 2221 0 44 45 4.444

Julian Wiseman 2204 2204 0 38 38 3.776

Ed Wynn 2199 2202 - 77 77 3.604

Alasdair Grant 2174 2167 7 36 60 3.336

Geoff Thorpe 2151 2151 0 37 45 3.622

Ben Deane 2150 2155 -5 46 46 3.931

Rob Cartwright 2138 2138 0 31 31 4.038

Andrew Dominey 2058 2053 5 53 69 3.536

*Rupert Wilson 2049 2049 0 14 14 3.643

Gavin Keyte 2040 2040 0 45 50 3.040

Stew Sage 2021 2021 0 69 73 3.600

*Adrian Grant 2014 2014 0 9 9 3.444

*Paul Grocott 2012 2012 0 14 18 3.972

*Julian Cole 2007 2007 0 16 16 2.219

Rupert Thompson 1992 1958 34 51 59 2.636

*Raymond Schoene1964 1964 0 8 8 4.000

*Dave Carslake 1913 1913 0 16 33 3.561

*Ben Soares 1912 1912 0 28 33 3.212

*Emma Anderson 1891 1891 0 8 8 3.125

James Cullingham1879 1879 0 50 60 2.375

Chris Goddard 1795 1795 0 70 70 2.736

*Graham Turnbull1769 1769 0 28 33 3.061

*Rachel Sterratt1730 1730 0 3 3 2.667

*Elizabeth W. 1704 1639 65 12 29 3.724

*Katie Mills 1704 1704 0 22 22 3.705

*John Wilson 1652 1652 0 15 19 2.842

Philip H. 1595 1595 0 38 38 3.592

Harry Parkes 1514 1514 0 30 30 2.600

*Jeremy Scott 1455 1455 0 7 7 2.214

*Jo Mitchell 1362 1362 0 15 15 1.567

*Kirsty Wright 1200 1200 0 17 17 2.324

*Ruth Levy 1155 1155 0 5 5 2.100

As usual only those players with 30 or more rated games appear unless they are ScotTwA or ScotTwA club members. Other players may also appear by special request to the editor.


Competition

Following the ScotTwA Pairs theme of Highland fishing villages, we are holding an easy to enter competition where you can sample the atmosphere and cuisine of the north west of Scotland. We have on offer two meal vouchers for the Quayplaice Cafe and Restaurant in Ullapool.

[alas, the picture is not available on the web] To enter simply identify the village in the photograph: Is it

a: Ballachulish b: Plockton c: Achiltibuie d: Tobermory

Answers on a postcard to the Editor at the address below by 7th December 1995. Usual Squopsman rules apply. Vouchers entitle the winners to two discount fish suppers. Travel and accomodation are not included in the prize.


gat@st-and.ac.uk


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