Alleghany Airlines Book Club Presents

A compendium of tiddlywinks perversions by Sunshine

February 1976

Typed and illustrated by Caron Schwartz


Table of Contents


Winks

To many people, “Tiddlywinks” is a children’s game in which winks are shot into a cup and everyone wonders where the tiddlies are.* The image is a mindless game requiring only limited manual skill. To those familiar with NATwA (North American Tiddlywinks Association), or similar organizations in the British Isles, Winks is a complex strategical game with an interesting balance between tactics and a numerous variety of dexterous skills. There is also a nonstandard (perverse, in winks argot) side to winks, which this publication will attempt to illustrate.

Winks does not have to be played or practiced in any one given way. The winking environment, the equipment available, the number of players, and the individual preferences of the people involved, has produced a good number of derivative games that emphasize different aspects, indeed invent new aspects, of the game of winks.

Some perversions consist of manipulation of the rules of the parent four colour game. One class emphasizes the potting side of the game under various conditions, another the squopping angle. These games are useful for practicing specified parts of the game. For variety, equipment is misused to provide a truly perverted class of games, capable of offending purist winkers. Then there is an answer to the question of whether winks is a sport or “merely a game”. Winks lends itself very well to sports simulations. Very complex rules have been developed that seem to animate the winks to the status of players and change the player into the coach.

One thing true of many of the perversions to be to be described here is that they are repeatedly being perverted. Perverting a game is essentially recognition of the arbitrariness of the rules and changing them to suit one’s fancy.

* Recent research has shown that as late as 1894 tiddlies was a well defined term.


Winks Vocabulary

The following is a short list of winking terms needed to understand the game descriptions that follow. For information on other winking terms, consult the official rule book. [or the Lexicon of Tiddlywinks]

Equipment

Winks is played on a felt surface (mat), using a larger circular plastic counter (squidger) to flick small plastic counters (winks), either to another position on the mat or into a cup (pot).

Perversion

Any variation from the four colour game described in the official rule book. Perversion is not intended to indicate any negative connotation, only change.

To pot

Attempt to shoot a wink into the cup. In most games an additional shot is awarded for successful pots. Players have “potted out” when all of their winks are in the pot.

To squop

Any wink covered, however slightly, by another wink, is considered squopped. In many games one of the chief goals is to squop your opponents[‘] winks, as a squopped wink may not be played. When all the winks of one player are squopped, that player is “squopped out“.

Loss of turn

In most games the shooting of a wink off the playing surface (mat) is penalized by the offending player losing his or her turn.

Squidge off

All players shoot one wink from their baseline (starting point) towards the pot. The player landing closest to (or, better yet in) the pot, wins the squidge off. In some games the squidge off is used solely to determine the playing order and the winks are returned to the baseline for the game.

End of game

Some games have a specified time limit, others are played until a particular result occurs – such as players being potted out or squopped out.


Parent Game Variations

parent_game

TIDDLEDY WINKS

This game is one of the most entertaining games for youth and adults. As many person can partake of the game as there are colours. The large chips are called nippers and the small one sprinters.

Each player receives one large chip and some small chips. At the beginning of the game place the cup in the centre of the table, which had best be covered with a rather heavy tablecloth. Each player places the sprinters on the table in equal distance from the cup. Now each player in his turns nipps once, which means he presses with the large chip on the edge of the small chip, so that this jumps into the cup. Those who have succeeded to get there sprinter into the cup, are allowed to nipp once more. If it happens that the chips of two players come to lay on each other, the player of the lower chip is not allowed to play his chip until the chip that lays above it, has been nipped off by its owner. It is not permitted in the interest of the game, to cover other players chips intentionally, as this would mean a hardship for the players, whose chips are covered, which is not intended<! original: intented>. Should a chip jump off the table, it must be replaced at its starting point and must be played from there new. The player who gets all his chips first into the cup, has won. The stake can be fixed according to the players liking; its may be agreed that the winner collects a certain fine from every player, according to the chips still held.

The game can also be played by partners so that two persons sitting opposite each other play together. In this case it is allowed for the two partners to play each others colours, so as to use the winning possibilities to the greatest extent possible.

HAVERFORD HIGH FOUR TUB

Potting game played by two pairs with normal playing rules except for several major differences. Normal playing surface and starting positions are used, but four pots forming a square are placed at the centre of the mat. The edges of the pots are to be touching, thus forming a small unplayable area in the middle of the mat.

The game does not end when the first player pots out, squopping never ceases during play and no time limit is used. Also, a wink landed in the area between the pots is considered potted. Each player has their own pot (the one farthest away from their corner) but winks landing in other pots are still considered potted.

Scoring takes place when any player has their last wink potted. At these times each player receives one point for each of their own winks in their pot, ½<! 1/2> point for any other winks living there, and 0 for any wink in the middle section. The player potted out receives four points if it’s the first round (first pot out), two in the second, and 1 in the third (bonus points only in the round of the pot out). Play continues until one pair has all their winks potted. Usually three rounds of scoring will result but should one pair pot out first and second, the second round score is doubled. Each player’s score for the game is the sum of their three round scores.

The score for the game can be calculated in two ways:

  1. the added scores for each partnership (average game has over 50 points)
  2. a 4-2-1 scoring for first, second and third place finished, one point transfer rule for potting out first and second.

TRIPLES

Four colour game rules used with six colours with time limit increased to 37½ minutes plus five rounds (which take forever). Standard colour order is red-yellow-blue-green-white-purple. Score 11 points for first, 7 for second, 4 for third, 2 for fourth, 1 for fifth, with a 3 point transfer for games won by potting out. Game has many, many possible scores (over 30 including some with 1/6, 1/5, 1/4 fractional scores not possible in normal winks).

FIVE WAY POT SQUOP

Five players, each with six winks. Fifth colour is usually either Cambridge blue or funny yellow (yellow winks from another set curiously marked by magic marker). The five players begin at points equidistant from each other and from the pot, arranged in the established colour order. Each player has two potential partners – those opposite him in original starting position, and two permanent enemies – those adjacent in starting position. No time limit is used, game is played until some partnership is in compleat control of all opponents (it is vaguely possible for one colour to win by itself). A wink potted is considered permanently squopped and one receives extra shots by potting any wink other than your own. The vital tactics of the game include squopping enemy winks and potting them in subsequent desquopping, and figuring out how to manipulate the plays of all enemies and potential partners to your own advantage. One’s potential partners are themselves each other’s enemy and each have one in-common enemy with you but are also friendlily disposed towards your other enemy. All of this leads to such things as temporary alliances, gang tactics, lying and betrayal.

Altogether, this is a fine game in which to vent your repressed tendencies but is not recommended for people with high blood pressure, asthma, paranoia, or toes. It is also a good solution to the problem of what to do when you have five players, all of whom wish to play. One further warning – the longest game on record lasted about four hours and was played with much loud strategy discussion.

BOONDOCK

Four colour game with partners. Players start in normal positions, using squidge off to determine who goes first. No time limit is used; game ends with one colour potting out. Main difference from basic game is that when a wink is squopped it is returned to its baseline. An extra shot is awarded not only for posting a wink but also for squopping any wink or for subbing under one’s own wink.

Boondock can also be played without partners with any number of winkers. Same rules apply except that play continues to determine second, third, etc.

NO TIME LIMIT

Regular four colour game played until one colour has potted out. Squopping then ceases and play continues for second and third but one point transfer rule is not used for scoring. Some games have lasted well over two hours and usual strategy is to pot some opponent winks.

DESIGNATED POTTER

Four colour game played with partners, each pair choosing their designated potter prior to the squidge-off<! original: squide-off>. Normal rules apply save that game is to be won only by a pot out and that anytime a designated potter is squopping a wink, they must free the wink on their next shot.


Misused Equipment

misused_top

 

misused_bottom

 

SQUIDGER

Two players, each has the shooting squidger and also a squidger in play (object squidger). A field size of about two feet by two feet is preferred. There are no turns, both players shoot as often and as quickly as desired. The object of the game is to squop the opponent’s object squidger for 1 point, or to cause the opponent to shoot their squidger off the field for ½ point. A squidger is considered squopped if the enemy squidger comes to rest upon it, however momentarily, before it (the squidger) can be shot away. Shooting the enemy squidger is illegal and counts as 1 point if it was on your squidger, ½ point otherwise. No penalty is assessed for a squidger going off the field after bouncing off of one’s opponent. Hands may be used to screen shots or to hassle your opponent, but only discreetly. Game is played to 10 points, with a winning margin of 1½ or better required.

Squidger can also be played with more than two players. On any given round all players shoot until one squidger is squopped or until only one squidger remains on the table. Any squidger shot off the table by its rightful owner is out for the remainder of the round. Score 1 point for making a squop, minus 1 point for being squopped, and minus ½ point for shooting off the table. Highest net score after expiration of a time or round limit is declared victor.

It is recommended that filed down squidgers not be used as the shooting squidger as this is a dangerous physical game. It is also suggested that smaller squidgers not be used as object squidgers since these work poorly.

SQUIDGER POTTING

Squidgers have also been shot into pots. The recognized NATwA records for squidger potting are held by Winx Canada members – 89 consecutive successful pots, and one successful pot from as far away as 23 inches. For more stories about wayward squidgers, read the Super WINK squop game section.

MISCELLANEOUS POTTING

The record for winks shot on and remaining on top of an inverted pot is 22. The records for least shots to place specified numbers of winks (i.e., 10, 16) on the pot have not been officially recorded.

IDIOT VS WINKER (OR IDIOT’S DELIGHT)

Two players – one idiot and one winker. Twenty-four winks are spread out randomly in the middle of a three foot by three foot area. Play alternates, one shot per player per turn, with no bonus shots or loss of turn penalties. Score one point for each potted wink.

On the winker’s turn he may attempt to pot any wink of his choosing. However, the idiot must try to pot the wink closest to the pot, using the pot to flip the wink into the air and then moving the pot to try to catch the wink (the process is known as idiot’s delight). The idiot’s shot must be in the direction of at least one other wink. If any wink falls out of the pot during the pot’s motion, the wink is redeposited in the pot. However, a wink “potted” during the fallout or one that enters pot after touching a part of the idiot, remains in the pot but is not considered potted (no score). The placement of the pot after idiotic attempts is to be where pot and wink made contact, or, it no contact was achieved, at six inches from resting position of attempted wink. If placement fails to be within 12 inches of any wink, winker may place pot wherever<! original: where-ever> they wish (on the field). Any squops that should occur are moved aside, with exception of pot squopping a wink.

The above game may also be attempted with both players engaged in idiot’s delight. As this is as foolish as idiot vs winker, but not with time tested amusement value, this perversion has not been tried.

POT POT

Two players, two winks (both large or both small), two pots. Each player starts with one wink next to a pot, with a separation of one foot between pots. Turns alternate, player shooting his or her wink with the pot towards the enemy pot. The pot is placed where the shot started in case of missed shots. A round continues until a pot is made and as many rounds as are desired may be played.


Potting Game Variations

potting_game

 

FLOG

Two teams, one or two players per team. Game consists of 12 rounds, each team playing one wink in each round. The pot is to be placed one foot from edge of table and three feet from the baselines. Teams alternate going first in rounds, team squidging in first also going first on pot attempts. Squidge-in winner scores one point unless their wink went off the table (no point awarded). Teams alternate shots until both winks are potted. If both are potted on the same turn, no potting points. One fewer miss scores one point, otherwise two points to quicker potter. A wink potted from the line counts as minus one miss, a wink going off table causes a loss of turn and counts as an additional miss. If score is tied after 12 winks, two wink playoff is used until tie is broken.

With three players a different scoring scheme is used. Points are now undesirable (as in golf). Score one point for not winning squidge-in, and one point for each pot miss to a maximum of six misses. Game consists of 18 rounds (golf holes). Squidge-in order is to be in order of score on previous wink, subsequent potting attempts to be made by wink furthest from not.

PROVO, UTAH CHAMPIONSHIP

Official championship played outdoors, with non-standard equipment and number of winks. Pot is placed 24 inches from baseline. Score 10 points for any potted wink, 5 points for bouncing out of pot, 3 points for hitting pot on the fly, and 1 point for bouncing into side of pot. No second shots are used on any wink. Total score for one’s 12 (or 20) winks is used to determine winner. Players alternate, shooting ¼ of their winks in a given round.

CHIPS & SPAM

N players, with or without partners. Each player has six winks (of one colour) and starts about two feet from pot. Placement of baselines is determined by quantity of players. A square formation can be used for four players; with three players all should start on the short side of the table. Two players game is usually played with each player using two colours and both players shooting from same side of table.

Game starts by all players simultaneously squidging in all of their winks without looking where they are going as quickly as is comfortable. Closest wink determines first shooter, play then proceeding by a prearranged colour order. Extra shots are awarded for potting one’s own wink, game ends when one colour has potted out. A wink may be played even when squopped, providing the wink can be shot without one’s squidger touching the squopping wink

BEANS, CHIPS & SPAM

Three players. Same as Chips & Spam except that a fourth colour is added, being placed in a five inch circle around the pot prior to the massive squidge in. These extra winks, called rovers or beans, may be shot by any player as long as they are not involved in a squop of a nonbean. No extra turn is given for potting a bean. If the last remaining wink of any colour has been totaled – squopped such that it is not playable – the squopped player may either pass or shoot beans. On his fourth turn after being in this predicament, the totaled wink is removed to the baseline and may be played. If the wink is partially detotaled during the three turn wait, Squopped player may attempt shot or wait until fourth turn.

YOUR FAULT

N players, usually 2. Twenty-four winks are placed three feet from pot, pot is set 12 inches from edge of table. If possible use a playable area beyond and besides the regular mat – a carpet or perhaps part of the mat over a non-smooth surface, preferably slightly lower than the rest of the playing field.

A player can shoot any wink on their turn, either ones still on the baseline or those already used but not potted, regardless of who first shot the wink. However, any already used wink must land within 12 inches of the pot on subsequent shots, or it is -taut {autt. If such happens the next player receives a bonus shot with the offended wink and then their normal turn. If the bonus shot is potted, player receives an additional bonus shot with the wink farthest from pot. If a player faults more than once on his turn, next player receives as many shots as have been faulted before taking their usual turn. Game has been played with fixed positions of the participants (except for bonus shots) by mutual agreement prior to start of game.

CORNER POTTING

Two players, 12 winks each starting 18 inches from pot placed at the corner of the table. Winks shot off table go back to base fine with a penalty of one missed turn. Winks potted from outside of the marked area are worth two bonus shots; from inside or on the line, one shot. First player to pot their 12 winks wins.

corner_potting

 

STREAKING

N players, each player has ten turns. A turn consists of potting winks until a miss, emptying pot before the turn and whenever all 24 winks have been potted. Score is total number of winks potted. Descriptive terms are applied to various lengths of streaks. Game can be played with either a specified minimum distance for pot attempts, or with no restrictions on placement of winks.

QUICKIE

Two or more players. Twenty-four winks are scattered around the pot. Players commence to pot on the command go and continue to shoot as rapidly as they so desire until only one wink remains unposted Players then alternate shots in some originally agreed upon order until this wink too is potted. Games can be played using many such rounds, computing score either by cumulative total of winks potted, total of round score determined by standings on each round for highest number of winks potted (perhaps 4 for first, 2 for second, 1 for third, etc.) or a combination of the two (winks potted plus a bonus score for standing on round).

2 COLOUR GAME

Two players, with six or more winks apiece. Pot is placed 18 inches from each player’s baseline. Squidge off to determine going first. Play alternates, extra turn for successful pots. No squopping allowed, squops moved aside from opponent’s winks but not from one’s own wink. Winner is first to pot out. Game can also be played with squopping and subsequent free turns on squop outs.

TWENTY FIVE

Two players. Four sets of six winks (three for each player) are placed in lines at 12, 10, 8 and 6 inches from the pot. Players attempt pots, scoring 1 point for each wink and continuing until a miss or by choice (see below). Until a player has attempted all remaining winks from his 12 on any given set up (a game consists of at least two set ups), he must shoot a wink from his farthest remaining line. Thereafter a player can try any wink – either those already missed or any opponent wink. If a player does not wish to try any of the remaining winks on a break (assume K winks are left), they can accept a K point reduction of their score. If opponent is unable to pot any of the unposted winks, passing player shoots first on the next break. If opponent’s attempt is successful, this player shoots until a miss on the remaining winks and then starts the next set up. Game is played to 25 points but after one player completes the turn on which they surpassed 25, the opponent receives one turn to catch up. If both players pass 25, game is played until a 3 point margin survives the catch up turn.

HORSE

N players with player order established prior to start of game. There are two kinds of turns – optional and obligatory. On an optional turn a player sets up and attempts some kind of pot – potting a specified wink out of pile or from a specified distance or manner of shooting. If the shot misses, next player also has an optional turn. If shot was made, next player has an obligatory turn and must attempt the same shot. Penalty for missing an obligatory shot is a letter, H for first miss, O R S E for subsequent misses, with player exiting game after receiving the E. When obligatory shots are converted, next player must also attempt the shot until all N players have attempted the shot. If the shot returns to the original shooter, they lose a turn and the next player has an optional shot. No player may use any optional shot on a set up that they have successfully negotiated three times on optional turns in the current game. Play until only one player remains alive. Game can be either shortened or lengthened by changing the name of the game (i.e., PIG or LAMPREY).


POTTING RECORDS

Potting practice can easily be done in a non-game situation, essentially in a solitare manner. Just scattering the winks and potting them from where they lie is a simple form of practice. One variation on this theme is to place all winks in the pot, invert and remove the pot in such a manner as to leave all the winks in one pile that would not be disturbed by putting back the pot on top of it. The pot is then placed where it would seem to most facilitate potting. Count how many shots are required to pot all 24 winks (using only legal strokes). Scores as low as 26 for one round and 55 for two rounds have been reported.

One method of evaluating accuracy would be a potting profile – a fixed number of winks shot from various distances. One such profile consists of 10 shots from a distance of one small wink from base of pot, 20 shots from 25 inches (to centre of pot), 25 from four inches, 25 from six inches, 15 from nine inches, and 5 from 12 inches. Record score for small winks is 94.

Other miscellaneous potting records include 110 large winks potted in one minute using 8 winks and one pot. The record for unlimited winks and unlimited pots is 159 small winks in one minute. For simultaneously potting winks with both hands, 37 straight (74 winks) from three inches is the high. The record for consecutive squidgers is 89. The idiot’s delight record, using only eight large winks is 26 straight pots. The record for large winks potted from 3 inches holding squidger with a foot is 55 out of 100. The most winks potted simultaneously behind one’s back is 2 (done by several players).

The NATwA record for 12 small winks from three feet is 24 shots. The speed record for 24 small winks from 18 inches is 32.5 seconds. The four pot relay record is 36. All three of these marks are inferior to the top British performances. No North American attempts at the 10,000 potted winks record have been reported.

Another form of practice is to shoot repeatedly from a fixed distance. The following is a table of records from various distances.

  Next to Pot 2″ 4″ 6″ 9″ 12″
SMALL WINKS
Consecutive ??? 593 274 128 49 12
Out of 50 ?? 50 50 50 49 39
Out of 100 45 100 100 100 92 73
Out of 250 250 250 244 219 167
Out of 500 500 497 483 425 316
LARGE WINKS
Consecutive 18 325 248 71 16 7
Out of 50 43 50 50 50 40 29
Out of 100 82 100 100 98 79 54
Out of 250 172 250 249 234
Out of 500 496 494 464

From a distance of one small wink to base of pot, a streak of 106 in a row and 244 out of 250 has been achieved. Best score on 1000 winks at any distance is 996 from 2½ inches.


Squopping

Illustration of a wink conquering another wink, thereby squopping it. (The squopped wink says, "Ouch")

 

MINIWINKS

Miniwinks, or squop games, is a game in which two players, armed with an equal number of winks, take alternate shots in an attempt to completely squop their opponent. Multi-miniwinks occurs when four or more players play the game. Two partners will eventually win the four player game by squopping out the two opponents, but
the partnerships are not fixed at the start of a game. The four mercenaries embark on a game, playing in colour order, and making and breaking partnerships as the game proceeds. It is not unusual for a player A to double-cross and squop his “partner” B (with whom he has maybe spent the last few rounds plotting the destruction of the other players C and D), thereby winning the game in partnership with either C or D.

A policy of carefully limited involvement in the early stages tends to pay off – by which I mean inducing the other players to “do the work”-. One method of controlling play is for a player to squop an enemy wink and at a later shot to chip it out on to, or near to any winks, pile or cluster that suits his purpose. The result may or may not be to the liking of the newly freed wink. If green squops red, and next shot chips red next to a pile containing blue and yellow winks, the effect is strongly invitational for red to squop his new companions immediately. This sequence of plays may form the basis of a win for green and red. On the other hand, if green squops a blue, and next shot chips the blue next to hostile winks, red or yellow will get a chance to resquop before blue gets a chance to play. Green, by this policy, is trying to get all three opponents deeply involved in piles, so that one of them can be selected later to partner him in victory.

Complete isolation (by running away) is not to be recommended, for at least three reasons. Firstly it is negative and boring for the player concerned, being rather like attempting to win a game by default. Secondly it lessens the enjoyment of the other players and can therefore ruin beautiful friendships, and thirdly it is rarely successful against opposition who can chip each other, as described above, to capture a renegade wink.

The game can be generalised to allow for more than four players. The game for five produces two winners and three squopped victims, the six player game three
of each, and with seven players three win and four lose.

With seven players there is much more room for low cunning, threats and treachery and players less technically gifted can often do surprisingly well, gaining from the intrigue and suspicion plying around among the other players. It can safely be said that the seven player game enables the participants to display, within the rules, the most deplorable forms of human behavior, of which the parent game is happily innocent. (The above account comes from The Winking World, number 23.)

SQUOP GAMES

Many variations on the simple squop game exist, involving various numbers of winks and winkers. The usual game is a two player one, each player having six winks, with turns being alternated until one player is squopped out. This game is played in a limited area with no loss of turn for far flying winks.

One simple change is to restrict boondocking – inflicting a loss of turn for shooting one’s wink off the table, or giving an offended wink a bonus shot to come back into play. Another change that could be used only affects the scoring of a long series of squop games. Instead of scoring each game 1-0, score 1 point for winning plus 1 point for each free (uninvolved) wink.

A rule that leads to large strategy modifications is having each player declare (on the completion of their current shot) which free wink they wish to shoot on their next turn. If the chosen wink is squopped by the time the turn is to be taken. anY other free wink may be used instead.

Another possible addition is that of the pot. Pot-squop can be played with two or more players, each starting with six winks 18 inches from the pot. Extra turns are given for potting enemy winks. The game ends when one player is in complete control of everyone else, or, as some players prefer, when only one player remains alive. This game is carried on to even greater heights in in a partnership game known as Five Way Pot Squop (see Parent Game variations).

And then there is Super Wink squop games. Each player receives, in addition to the standard two large and four small winks, one squidger to do battle with the smaller winks.

A tennis style match can also be played. Squop games are played on a 5 versus 6 basis, players alternating who has the one small wink advantage (the serve). Play until 6 wins, by a margin of at least two games.Tie breaker for 6-6 match is a best 2 of 3 regular squop game series.

A complex strategical game, utilizing potentially great quantities of colour order finesses, is called Scramble Squop. All 24 winks are randomly scattered, with a minimum distance of 1½  inches between winks, and with non-scrambling (or shuffling) player picking his starting colour and thegame proceeding in normal colour order with the absence of the pot.


Several forms of squop games exist for play between non-equal players besides the obvious handicapping method of extra wink(s). One procedure is to start with a six on six game but instead of the game being over when the designated weaker player is squopped out,” loser” receives an extra wink at their baseline. Game continues in this fashion until weaker player squops out the opponent. rare occurrences of six winks vanquishing 18 winks have been recorded.

And finally, there is that very confusing perversion 3-way, 2-way (or n + 1/n way for larger quantities of players). Simply use one more colour than there are players (3 players – four colours) and play with a fixed people order and a fixed colour order until one colour wins. Strange piles develop, players get to shoot with winks they shot at and missed on their previous turn, and an amusing effect shows up when a colour is squopped out. Reducing number of winks per colour makes the game more likely to end before confusion reigns supreme. Game is excellent for non-competitive winking as well as practice for unequal players.

BITE

N players, each using six winks. On a given turn, a player uses all their non-squopped winks once in any order desired. Squopping one’s own free wink results in a bonus shot for the squopping wink, provided that neither squopper nor squoppee has been involved in a bonus shot on the current turn. The bonus shot must be the next shot
taken.

When a wink is squopped by two enemy winks (which need not belong to the same enemy) such that each is covering a part of the wink that the other is not, the squopped wink is dead and removed from the game. When a player has only one living wink, that wink has the bite, and any wink it squops is dead. The biter also receives an extra turn after any biting shots. If during a turn, an opponent’s wink becomes free, it receives a shot (and any applicable bonus shots) immediately and then the original turn is to be completed. Should one colour squop out all opponents, the turn is completed and one additional compleat turn allowed before a wink must be freed. Game ends when only one colour remains.

With more than two players a non-vulture rule may be imposed. To avoid one colour waiting for the others to weaken each other, this rule states that after a player’s first two turns (when winks start in clusters two feet from each other ) that if he has three or more free winks, at least one squop of an enemy wink must be attempted.


Sports

Illustration of winks game on television, with antenna Illustration of wink sitting in chair, reading Winx Sports News, with drink on floor

CHECKERS

Two players. Board is an 18 by 18 inch mat divided into 8 zones. Each player starts with 8 small winks, positioned as shown below, each wink starting at 1 wink’s distance from a zone line. A legal shot with a small wink consists of landing completely in the next forward zone, not touching any zone line or squopping any enemy wink. A wink is removed from the board (captured) when it is passed over by an enemy wink on a legal shot. Captures may be made of enemy winks either in the same zone or the next zone of the shooting wink, but in both cases the shooting wink must travel only one zone. In addition to the 8 horizontal zones, there are 2 sideline zones of ½ inch width. These are legal landing zones only on successful capture shots. Passing over more than one wink on a given shot causes all such enemies to be captured.

If a wink fails to land in the proper zone, the wink is returned to the starting point of the shot. The opponent can either accept a loss of turn for the player, or have the shot to be attempted again. Three failing attempts on a given turn cause the wink to be considered captured. Should a wink safely advance to the opponent’s starting zone, it becomes a king and is transformed into a large wink. Kings may be played either forwards or backwards one zone.

An optional rule for obligatory capture attempts can be added to the game. A wink is considered capturable if it is in either the remainder of the same zone or in the first half of the next zone and is less than a squidger’s width to the left or right of one’s wink. This rule of shooting for any capturable winks can be applied either at all times or for an extra shot with a wink that has just made a capture. Games are played until only one side still has winks

Layout of the winks perversion game of Checkers

TENNIS

Two players on an 18 inch by 36 inch mat divided into two 18 by 18 inch areas by a net. The net usually consists of several paperback books and is customarily six inches high. Each player has one large wink as their tennis player and a small wink constitutes the ball.

Service takes place from alternate back quarters of the court into the diagonally opposite half of the court. The large wink is placed on the ball by the server who then desquops the ball over the net with an at least almost continuous (legal) shot. An ace is scored if the ball lands on the opponent, or if the ball hits the opponent and then bounces off the court. A fault occurs if the ball fails to clear the net or if the ball fails to remain on opponent’s proper half of court (unless ball strikes opponent). Twenty-three lets – ball touching net on way to proper side of court or ball resting on top of net, is also considered a fault. Two consecutive faults is a point for receiver.

The receiver of the serve (and of subsequent successful shots) has two shots in which to squop the ball. If two shots are needed, or if the player wishes to use the second shot for better possitioning for the return, the opponent (server on first return) has an approach shot to better position himself in awaiting the return. Return is then attempted, as in serving, by a (semi) legal desquop of the ball, hopefully with the ball clearing the net and then remaining on the mat. If a player completely covers the ball on first shot, no positional shot is allowed and the ball is to be returned immediately. If a player fails to reach the ball in two shots he loses the point, as also if he fails to get it back over the net. The final resting spot, not initial landing location, determines whether a return is good (except when the ball hits the player). Either conventional or World Team Tennis scoring conventions and serving rotations may be used.

If a player goes off the court (hitting the net is not considered off the court) he is deemed incompetent and misses a shot. If the opponent should reach the ball and return it is two shots the point is his. If the normal three shots are required, incompetent player merely loses his approach shot. If a player lands on the opponent’s side of the net, he is considered athletic and no penalty is imposed unless he covers his opponent (he then loses the point). However, he will have to be very athletic to jump back over the net for his next return. If a player goes under the ball he is deemed to have tripped and loses the point, as well as being embarrassed. Should the ball or player land on the sideline or baseline, they are considered on the court. If the court boundaries are determined by the edges of the mat (as opposed to a drawn line), any time a ball or player rests on the boundary, both ball and player may be moved one small wink’s distance, maintaining same distance between ball and player.

Illustration of a shot in the winks perversion game of Tennis

FOOTBALL

Played by two teams (each using two small winks) on a 36 by 18 inch field, the short sides of the mat serving as goallines. The ball is a large wink. Play four six minute periods, time stopping only for long interruptions. Teams change goals after the first and third periods (reversing direction of play). After time expires in each half, the last possession is completed. The game can also be played to a specified point total instead of using a time limit.

Kickoffs are used to start each half and after all scores. Kicking team places ball one small wink from its own goal and shoots it towards the opponent team. All four winks (players) are to be positioned prior to the kickoff. Any ball landing partially on the field is considered in bounds and is to be played after moving the ball in one small wink. If the kickoff goes beyond the goal or out of bounds, the receiving team receives three shots on its possession, starting at center of goalline or where ball went out of bounds. If ball lands on field, receiving team has one attempt to squop ball. If squop is successful, squopping wink is moved aside and offense (O) begins a three shot turn (first shot is the runback), otherwise O has a two shot turn. Should the kickoff land on the goalline, O receives only a one or two shot possession (depending on whether squop is successful), starting one wink onto field. Squops are attempted before ball is moved inward.

On a possession, offense and defence (D) alternate shots, O trying to shoot ball to overhanging (squopping) the goalline, D trying to squop the ball with one of its players. A squop by D reduces the possession by one shot (i.e., a squop after the second shot of a three shot possession ends the possession.). If O shoots the ball off the field, D takes over the ball as in kickoff with a three shot turn. If O squops the goalline, touchdown is worth six points and an extra point is attempted. O has choice of trying for one point (a pot from five inches away with the cup placed just off the mat at center of goalline) or for two points (an overhang from three inches away).

O can also attempt a field goal during its turn instead of trying for a touchdown. O moves ball directly away from goal as far as it desires and D is allowed one squop attempt from the line of scrimmage. The other D wink can be placed anywhere between line of scrimmage and the goalline. If the D squop is good, the kick is blocked and D takes over with.a three shot possession from the point of the squop. If no squop, O attempts field goal for three points by potting. If pot attempt is missed and goes off field, D starts a two shot sequence from point of kick. If ball misses and stays on field, kick is treated as in kickoff above.

Should a defensive player be shot off the field, that player is ineligible for squopping until the next possession. If an O attempt has fallen short of the goal but the next D squop puts the ball on the goalline, touchdown is scored independent of whether squop was made.

Illustration of a play in the winks perversion game of Football

BOXING

Two players, ten (or other) round fight. Each player starts with a big on big wink pile with a six inch separation between fighters at start of rounds. Play proceeds, either alternating shots or with continuous shooting (to be decided prior to bout). Fighting should take place in a nine inch circular ring, with leaving the ring being equivalent to falling down (pile separating). The object of the game is to keep one’s winks in one pile and to squop the opponents pile. If one pile falls down. opponent has one shot to attempt to squop felled winks (no longer trying to stay in one pile himself). If neither wink is squopped, boxers retreat to corners and start round again. Squopping one of the felled winks wins the round by a 1-0 score. If both winks are squopped, a potting desquop is attempted (pot being placed at choice of boxer on top). If pot is successful, a knockout has occurred and the fight is over, otherwise the round is won 2-0. If a squop occurs of the other boxer’s top wink with both fighters still standing but only top wink of squopping boxer is over the opponent, round is scored 1-0. If the bottom wink has the squop, boxer attempts to pot one of opponent’s winks and then has one shot to resquop the remaining wink. If pot and squop are both good, fight is won by knockout, otherwise score round 2-0. Intentionally separating one’s winks when other boxer is still standing is considered a dive and loses the fight.

GOLF

In days gone by golf was occasionally played in the old Zoo. The classic hole of this classic course was a par 15, 80 foot hole with a course record of 11. The hole started with a dogleg right, another dogleg right, went down two flights of stairs, a dogleg left through an open door, and ended with a dogleg left to an elevated green on a coffee table. Random trash cans and other obstacles lined the fairway and protected the green (gray).

BASKETBALL

 Layout of winks mat for the winks perversion game of Basketball

  1. Game – four periods of ten minutes duration each followed by 18 turns (see 6 below). In case of tie score, additional four minute periods with 10 turns are to be used until tie is broken.
  2. Court – 18 inches by 36 inches, baskets (pots) placed 1 inch from edge at middles of short sides of court.
  3. Team – Five players (winks) per team, no more than two of which may be large winks. Players may be positioned at start of a period and, if not squopped, before any free throw.
  4. Ball – Small wink. Ball is to be moved by squopping it with a player and subsequent legal desquopping.
  5. Scoring – By potting the ball. Score three points for field goals of over nine inches (to base of pot), two points for other field goals, and one point for free throws (foul shots) from the six inch line (see diagram below).
  6. Turn – A sequence of shots by offense (O) or defense (D) which start when ball is in possession of O. Rebounding shots, attempts at loose balls, foul shots,, jump balls, and defensive fouls are not considered turns. A turn often consists of more than one winks shot.
  7. Incompetence – A wink that is shot off the mat by its owner (not by opponent) is considered incompetent for remainder of the team’s turn and is also inactive for its next turn. If a big wink is incompetent, it is replaced by a small wink (which misses the turns) until the next basket or foul is committed.
  8. Possession – Ball is possessed by O when it is squopped by a player or after opposition’s possession is over and until either the end of the subsequent O turn, a basket attempt, the ball goes out of bounds, D knocks O off the ball, or a foul occurs.
  9. Jump ball – Each team places one player two inches from ball and has one attempt to squop ball, teams alternating having the first shot. Player squopping more of ball wins jump, other player is moved aside (if also on ball) and play starts. If neither player squops ball, jump is tried again. Each period starts with a jump at center of court. If during play it happens that the ball either squops players from both teams or subs under both teams, a jump is to be done at the closest foul line. Players always jump toward their own basket.
  10. Field goal attempt – must be announced by O prior to shot. O desquops ball with intent of potting. Cannot be done on an inbounds pass.
  11. Pass – Player desquops ball and a teammate is used to try to retain possession on the turn, usually receiving two shots to do so (see description of play below).
  12. Inbounds Pass (IB) – O inbounds ball after opponent baskets (from either IB1 position near the basket), after opponent shoots ball out of bounds (ball partially off court is out of bounds), after tie ups (see 19), after non-shooting fouls, travelling violations (see 20), airballs (see 21), and after shot clock violations (see 27). Ball is to be inbounded from IBI or IB2 spot nearest to where the violation occurred, placing a player on the ball ½ inch from the inbounds spot. Except for on tie ups, O may choose any of his nonsquopped players to make the pass. After tie ups, O receives only one shot to catch inbounds pass, otherwise two shots (with exception of when D utilizes steal option. (See 29 and description of play below).
  13. Dribble – Player desquops ball and shoots back on ball
  14. Set up – Player positions itself on wink for a basket attempt or pass on the next turn. O must announce variety of setup prior to shot.
  15. Motion of players – Shot by D or by a non-ball carrying memberof O in which no squop attempt of ball is made.
  16. Rebounding – After missed basket attempts (including last free throw) teams alternate shots to gain possession. D shoots first.
  17. Screen – Any D player or non-ball-carrying O member may be squopped and made inactive, except when violating 23 or 30 (see below).
  18. Free throw – foul shot. Attempts for one point per basket from six inch line. Player fouled is positioned on ball for foul shot. Rebounding shots need not be filled but are reserved for proper teams (see diagram).
  19. Tie ups – D squops part of ball but not ball carrier O retains possession with an inbounds pass (12) but has only one shot to catch pass.
  20. Travelling – O player remains on ball without announcing setup and without ball hitting basket, or by coming off ball on a setup.
  21. Air balls – Basket attempt that does not go off court but which fails to reach as high as pot or within one inch of the pot during its trajectory.
  22. Defensive foul – D squops ball carrier. O receives two free throws. If O was going to attempt basket, D player is removed and basket attempted. If basket is good, only one free throw is awarded.
  23. Illegal screen foul – Foul occurs when a team squops more than three opponent players, or has two separate squops on the same half of the court (player squopped on midcourt line is considered in its backcourt). Illegal squop is removed. Foul is a non-shooting one unless committed by D in the penalty situation (see 25)
  24. Offensive foul – O player goes in basket (basket will still count if ball also goes in) or if a D wink submarines between ball carrier and ball or under ball while in 0 possession. This is always a non-shooting foul.
  25. Penalty situation – A team is in the penalty situation if it has committed three or more fouls during a period or two fouls during the rounds at the end of a period.
  26. Screen fouls (.23) by D become 2 shot fouls. Two shot fouls become three attempts to make two, and one shot fouls become 2 shot fouls
  27. Screen removals – after any successful field goal and before any shooting foul, each team must release one screened player (if it has any) of its choice other than the one involved in the foul. Any screens in the free throw lane to be used must be released
  28. Time limit – A basket attempt must be made by the end of the third turn of O. Fouls reset timer to 0, tie-ups to 1. If the ball is temporarily uncontrolled after a turn, shot clock is stopped but not reset. if time limit is violated, D gains possesstion with an inbounds pass (12).
  29. Ball positioning – Any time the ball squops a player, the player is positioned on the ball by hand at its team’s choice.
  30. Steal attempt – D tries to knock O off ball, or to squop ball in the middle of an O turn. If knockoff is successful, D has first shot at ball, then teams alternate . until possession is established. See description of play below for interrupt steal attempt.
  31. Violence – No player should squop an opposition player with undue violence, lest the player be hurt and suffer undeserved pain.
  32. Major powers – A non-major power becomes one when they receive a vote of confidence of at least 50% of the then existing major powers.

Description of Play

A turn may start in four ways: by moving a player, attempting a basket, setting up to pass or shoot, and by attempting a release of ball.

  1. Moving a player – O moves one player, D moves one player, end of two turns. This option cannot be used twice in a row.
  2. Basket attempt – only if announced at end of previous turn. If shot misses but is controlled by any O player, another shot can be attempted or another turn started with another option.
  3. Set up to pass or shoot (14) – O sets up, D moves a player (15) or tries for ball. End of two turns unless foul or steal occurs (only one turn).
  4. Attempted release of ball (11, 12, or 13) – if player remains on ball, end of one turn and travelling (20) is called. Should ball cover only a D, end of one turn and a change of possession with ball positioning (28). If ball covers only on O, 28 is used and O has one more shot to complete turn. If ball covers both O and D, jump ball (9). if ball does not touch any player, O takes one shot to squop ball. If O squops ball, O takes one more shot to complete turn, followed by one defensive shot (turn) unless possession has already changed. If O misses, D has option of attempting a steal. If no steal is tried, O has one shot to end turn, D has two shot turn to be used by two different players. If steal attempt (29) is used and is successful, two turns are over, If steal fails, but an O player is squopped, a non-shooting foul has occurred and one turn ended. If no squop occurs, D turn is over and O has two more shots to complete turn, and D only a one shot turn. If O is inbounding ball after a tie up, O has only a one shot turn (above does not apply).

BASEBALL

We have attempted to carry over baseball’s rules to winks baseball in the simplest form that would allow for pseudo analogy to the physical game with relatively similar probabilities for the various possible events. Basic rules such as nine men to a side, three outs to an inning, four balls and three strikes per walk or strikeout and the like have been kept in entirety. It was, however, necessary to reduce the distance between the bases to fit a baseball stadium onto a regulation mat. The field described below is Kendall Park, a one mat stadium. As in baseball, only the infield measurements are sacred, with the shape, size, and special areas of the outfield being up to the particular stadium designer.

A team consists of 9 winks, 5 large and 4 small ones. The pitcher is to be a large wink, as is the ball. Three winks are to be positioned in the outfield, four within the infield, and one behind the plate. The other 4 large winks (besides the pitcher) may be used at any positions. When batting, the 9th player is large or small, depending on whether the designated hitter rule is in effect or not.

The game can be played with any number of winkers, though thus far the standard team size has been only 1 or 2 winkers. With a 2 man team, batting is done on a strict rotation, with winks reaching base later being run by their winker batter. (Thus one winker might be playing 2 baserunners and the batsman should their partner make outs in between.) Winkers also alternate being scheduled to start innings as the pitcher. A relief pitcher may be brought in but not until at least 1 out and only once in a given inning. If a pitcher has been relieved he replaces his partner as the starter for the next inning and must pitch to only one batter after the first out has been made (none if a double or triple play occurs). The winker not pitching has the catcher’s responsibilities. The rest of the fielders may be divided in any way desired, providing that the same division is used regardless of who is pitching.

Areas of the mat are designated in the diagram of Kendall Park. After a batter hits the ball, different rules are used depending on the area in which the ball has landed. In case the ball is on a dividing line, the following order of priority is used to determine the area: B (batting box), H (home plate), C (catcher), F (foul ball), FB (foul bunt), A (up the alley), O (outfield), L (down the line), T (Texas leaguer), and I (infield). The rules of the area in question govern the defense’s first turn (number of shots allowed to catch or throw ball), the offense’s first turn (batter or baserunner), and when alternation of one shot turns is to start.

In general, batter tries to hit ball into area that best suits his team’s needs (long ball, a hit, etc.). The defense must squop the ball and then desquop it towards the appropriate base. Batter and runners attempt to advance to their next base. Only the first throw need be a desquop, therafter only the ball is shot. To be safe a runner must get any part of itself in or touching the base in question before defense registers an out by either placing the ball within the base or on the runner. If a runner changes its mind about advancing, it must get back to the previous base before the ball arrives at either base. When more than one runner is on base, runners may run in any order between the defense’s turns. Any time offense opts to keep all runners on base during its turn, the play is over. After a runner has reached 3rd base safely and wishes to try to score, a pot is placed at the center of the batting box and a pot is attempted to score 1 run. If the shot misses, the pot is removed and defense tries to throw out the runner by having the ball reach any part of home plate or by squopping the runner. Baseball rules apply for scoring of runs on plays on which the side is retired.

KENDALL PARK

Layout of the playing field for the winks Baseball perversion game of Kendall Park

b to h 16.0 cm
h to q 20.0
h to [1] 46.5
[1] to [2] 39. 0 n to p 24.0 cm
p to r 27.0
[2] to r 4.0
r to t 23.0
h to W 146.0 H 12.9 by 18.0 cm
B 4.3 by 10.3
[1], [2], [3] 3. 0 by 3. 0
L ~12.0 by 19.0 A 13. 0 base
20.0 cone
S 8. 0 bowl
S1 winx pot

In the following rules discussion, suggested rules changes that might add realism but definitely add complexity have been enclosed in braces { }. These rules need not be used.

Play starts with the placing of the pitcher on the ball (both are large winks) on the pitcher’s mound (P). A batter awaiting the pitch is placed totally within area B. The pitcher legally desquops the ball towards homeplate. A pitch landing in, or touching the lines of, H or B is a strike, otherwise a ball. Batter swings at pitches by choice, swinging by attempting to squop the ball. Unsuccessful squops are strikes regardless of where the ball lies. After successful squops batter attempts to desquop ball into fair territory. Any batted ball landing in (or touching) F, H, B, FB, C or striking the rolled section of the mat (W) is a foul ball (unless it bounced out of S). An obviously illegal swing is considered as a swing and a miss unless defense accepts the play. Disputed plays without the presence of an umpire should be reattempted if possible, otherwise ignored as if the pitch never happened. Should the pitch land atop the batter, he is hit by pitch and receives Ist base. If pitch subs, batter must swing in that position. A pitch going off the mat is a ball, and with runners on base is also a potential wild pitch (see below under steal).

Let us assume that the ball is pitched, squopped, and then hit onto the playing field and that there are no runners on base.

THE BALL HAS LANDED IN

I (INFIELD)
Any infielder may go for the ball. If caught (squopped) on 1 shot then the play was a pop up or a line drive and the batter is out. Otherwise infielder gets 2 more shots, then batter runs and alternation continues until play is completed. Once ball is squopped, fielder then attempts desquop to base. Batter starts from center of H (regardless of where followthrough of swing left him). If batter goes for hot dog in stands he gets placed where he went off mat but not within 15 centimeters of base in question and also loses next turn. Similarly, if ball leaves field defense loses next turn.

O (OUTFIELD)
Outfielder gets 2 chances to squop ball for a fly out. Batter runs after first shot but still is out if fielder gets ball on their second shot.

A (UP THE ALLEY
Outfielder must catch ball on 1 shot for an out. Batter runs after first shot.

S (STANDS)
If ball stays within S, which is some sort of saucer, cup, or winks pot (S1), batter has struck a home run. If ball bounces out but stays on field, play as in A above. if ball bounces out and then off field, ground rule double, scoring a man from 1st if runner can get to 2nd on one shot. Saucers may be moved aside after catches if it would interfere with subsequent throw.

T (TEXAS LEAGUER)
Fielder must catch ball on I shot for a fly out. Batter runs after first shot. {If an outfielder tried for catch, batter gets 2 shots before turns alternate.}

L (DOWN THE LINE)
Infielder gets I chance to catch ball on-the fly. If catch is missed, ball is considered down the line and must be retrieved by the outfielder. Outfielder gets 1 shot (not considered a catch attempt) and then alternation starts.

W (THE WALL)
If ball hits or goes over the rolled up section of the mat (but not by bouncing out of S), foul ball. if an outfielder going for a ball hits the wall or goes off the mat, he is considered unconscious. Any other fielder elgible to go for ball may do so, gets one shot to be considered simultaneous with that of his injured team-mate’s last shot and then normal rules apply, save that ball cannot be caught for an out.

FOUL TERRITORY
Ball landing in F or C is a foul pop up and any fielder has 1 shot to catch it. A ball landing in B, FB, or in H is a foul bunt and counts as a strikeout if done with 2 strikes on the batter.

WITH RUNNERS ON BASE

O (OUTFIELD)
Runners may leave base after 1st defensive shot, or wait to tag up if outfielder might catch ball on second shot. {To tag up to home, runner goes after fielder’s catch; to 2nd after fielder’s 1st throw; and to 3rd after throw if ball caught in leftfield, otherwise after catch.} If an unconscious fielder has caught the ball, another fielder must pry ball loose from his rigid grasp before throwing.

A (UP THE ALLEY)
Runners may run after the hit, before defense goes for ball. However, if ball is caught on 1st shot for an out, fielder gets 1 throw to catch runners off base, then turns alternate.

I (INFIELD)
If ball is within 5 centimeters of any infielder when runners may be forced with fewer than two outs, infield fly rule is invoked. Otherwise, runners go after 2nd defensive shot. Whenever ball gets to a base to register an out, defense gets a bonus throw to try for double play (or more)

OTHER (T,L, or F)
If the ball has landed in T (Texas leaguer) or L (down the line), runners may leave bases after the hit. If a foul ball is caught, fielder has 1 shot, then runners may try to tag up.

STEALS

Stealing may only be attempted from 1st base. Runner shows intention by leaving base (by shooting) prior to pitch. Runner must go off base entirely but not past the l line. If attempt to take a lead fails to get off base or goes too far, runner is placed back on base and may not steal that pitch. Pitcher may also try to pick off or scare runner back to base. instead of pitching, hurler (without changing his position on the ball) tries to squop the runner. If he does so successfully, or if ball lands on 1st, runner is out. If not, 1st baseman tries to catch ball and then place it on base or on runner. if this is done in 2 shots, runner must return to first and cannot steal on the next pitch, otherwise he must try. if, however, fielder failed to catch the ball in 2 shots, runner may break for second. If pickoff throw went off the mat, fielder loses one turn and runner can head for second if fielder misses on his first shot.

If the runner is stealing, pitcher pitches. If batter hits the ball, a hit-and-run play is in progress. If batter misses or doesn’t swing, catcher goes for ball, then runner runs, catcher gets 2 shots, then alternation. Catcher always gets removed for throw to second. Should the pitch go off the field, catcher loses his first turn. On a hit-and-run play, the runner goes before the swing (overriding rules given above for plays with runners on base).

For pitch out, honor system prevails. To indicate a pitch-out, catcher sends himself to side of homeplate (the only time catcher is allowed outside of C prior to a pitch). Then runner verbally announces steal intent if he had so planned, regardless of catcher’s position. if pitchout is being tried, pitch is automatically a ball unless batter swings for it or is hit by pitch. If runner is going, catcher gets 2 shots, then alternation. Catcher loses his first turn if ball goes off field.

Runners may try to advance a base on wild pitches without having announced steal attempt. Ball is placed 1 large winks distance from where it left the field and catcher has 1 chance to squop the ball. If he does so, he throws it to the appropriate base to forestall runners advancing. If squop attempt failed, or if there was a bad throw, runners may decide to try to advance, each runner shooting once, defense twice, then alternation. 


Incompleat

Incompleat Winx Rules

 

SQUOP

Complete rules have patent pending by Michael Crick. Squop is a 4 colour game in which each player has only 4 winks. Scoring is done on a 6-3-1 basis instead of the normal 4-2-1 split for Ist, 2nd, and 3rd place. The game can be won by either potting out or by squopping out the opponents before they are able to pot any winks.

CAPTURE THE FLAG

2 players, many winks apiece, each player having a stationary squidger serving as their flag. Official and unofficial rules have been lost but our research has revealed that the object of the game was to totally squop the opponent’s flag. As to how this was to be done or how one went about preventing such from happening, we don’t know.

SOCCER

British perversion compleat with squidgers as goalies, 11 man teams, a passing game, an entire mat as a playing field, and lying down pots as goals. For rules contact Cyril Edwards. Also known as football.

HOCKEY

This perversion is similar to the one for soccer but has never quite been adequately worked out. A playing surface of 18 by 36 inches is recommended, along with horizontal pots as goals, squidgers as goalies, and 6 winks to a team. Passing and forechecking (squopping) rules would be needed. Loss of a player and additional squop attempts for offended opponent would provide a poer play after squopping violations.