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Cambridge University Tiddlywinks Club vs. The Goons
souvenir programme • cover (page 1)
Ray Ellington was later unable to play, and in February Graham Stark took his place.
The Goons’ Umpire:
- John Snagge of the BBC
Members of the CUTwC team identified on this scorecard:
- D. G. Arundale [David] of St. Catharine’s College
- P. J. Downes {Peter] of Christ’s College
- W. M. Steen [WIlliam, Bill] of Christ’s College
- L. C. M. Howells [Lawford] of Christ’s College
- D. A. Moreton [David] of Caius College
- B. J. Tyler [Brian] of Christ’s College
- K. E. Piper [Keith] of Pembroke College
- A. W. Walton [Alan] of Pembroke College
CUTwC’s reserves:
- G. T. Ridge [Graham] of Caius College
- J. Furlonger [John] of King’s College
CUTwC’s Umpire:
Autographed Programme
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Complete Programme
1 March 1958 • Royal tiddlywinks tournament • souvenir programme • item: all 12 pages plus an insert about the charity, the National Playing Fields Association • source: Tucker Tiddlywinks Collection • originally owned by: Spike Milligan, one of the Goons.
Goons Member Biographies in the Souvenir Programme
SPIKE MILLIGAN was born at Ahmednagar in India, his father being in the Indian Army. He came to England when he was sixteen, and tried unsuccessfully to join the R.A.F., but when the war came along, the Army was only too glad to have him, as a bombadier. While in Italy he was wounded and sent to a convalescent depot, where he first met Harry Secombe. On demob., he tried script writing for Derek Roy then teamed up with Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe, and approached the B.B.C., the result now being known as the Goon Show.
His favourite drink is red wine, and meal, spaghetti. He is very fond of interior decorating.
HARRY SECOMBE (Welsh comedian)—born September 8th. 1921—came into Show Business the hard way, and he never allows himself to forget it. He joined the Army at seventeen, and rose to the dizzy rank of Lance Bombadier in only seven years, with a reputation for a strange type of comedy! On demob., he went to the Windmill Theatre, where he shaved and stayed three months. He switched to T.V. in 1947, then teamed up with the other Goons, lived on fish and chips, and developed his surrealist form of humour.
He also sings opera with a four-octave tenor voice.
PETER SELLERS was born at Southsea in 1925. When questioned he said: 'I remember quite clearly, as if it were only yesterday. I was travelling to Brighton on the 6.23 from Edinburgh (having nothing better to do), and I arrived at Brighton considerably later. It was a beautiful day, the brisk, biting wind bit deep into my newly calciumed bones. Sitting on the front opposite a well-known hotel were two men, either side of a small table. They were not, I repeat, not, playing Tiddlywinks. How strange, I thought, and immediately returned to Edinburgh.'
WALLACE GREENSLADE is now one of radio's best-known announcers—thanks largely to the Goon Show, but he says it is responsible for more than just that !
When asked about his life history, with special reference to Tiddlywinks, he said: 'Having been associated with the Goons for all those years. I can't read or write, you see. It's all in the mind, you know ! ! ! ! !'
GRAHAM STARK. Born in 1922, he entered show business at the age of 13. After appearing in several shows and plays he won the Junior All England Dancing Championships, which won him a scholarship to Sadlers Wells. He was in the R.A.F. during the war for five years, where he met many fellow entertainers, including Peter Sellers, Tony Hancock, Dick Emery and Robert Moreton. After the war he went back into the theatre. He began broadcasting in the radio series 'Happy Go Lucky' with Tony Hancock and Derek Roy. After many radio shows in the next few years, he first appeared on television with Peter Sellers in 'Idiot's Weekly', a delightful Goon show which matured into 'A Show Called Fred' and 'Son of Fred'. He has since helped Spike Milligan to investigate 'Man and Music', with hilarious results.
Has no connection with the Stark-Ravinmad family.
MAX GELDRAY was born Max van Gelder, in Amsterdam, Holland. He claims he has been looking forward to this match, as his Dutch name means 'Tiddly-winks', and he hasn't played since the day he was born. His original ambition was to be a doctor, but he went into Show Business instead, where he has now been for twenty-three years; he has toured Europe, entertained the Royal family at Windsor, and invaded Normandy with Montgomery's 21st Army. He is now a British subject, and although he has been with the Goons for eight years, he is still fairly normal to converse with.
ALAN SIMPSON, aged 28; born Brixton, London (within chain rattle of the prison): Educated ... only just. Script-writer for Hancock's Half Hour (Adv.). Has been a well-known amateur Tiddlywinker in the Surrey area for some years. Has been offered professional terms by many clubs, but prefers to retain amateur status, as he can make more on the expenses. Schoolboy International 1943, he was forced to retire from the game for two years after having cartilage trouble in his shooting thumb in the final of the Grass Winks Championships at the Queen's Club in 1952. Returned to the game in 1954, but has still to recapture the form that made him the Sportsman of the Year in 1950. Plays ludo with equal versatility, and if he had concentrated on this instead of Tiddlywinks, some sports writers think he would have won honours at this as well.
Also makes rugs.
RAY GALTON—'I am 27 years old and started school at five and left at twelve. Sometimes we started at nine-thirty and left at four—it all rather depended on whether the masters were sober. Let me state here and now that I only know the Burmese version of Tiddlywinks, which is played by six teams in crash helmets, jodphurs, contact lenses and brown cricket boots, except for those over the age of seventy who are allowed to wear black boots, or none at all. The team wearing red shirts are, by tradition, mounted on rogue elephants, and allowed to rush their opponents, wielding lacrosse bats and blowing whistles. The method of scoring is rather complicated, but basically it is that a player tries to get the elephant's trunk round the neck of an opposing player, and hurl him into a vat of boiling porridge. This game is unfortunately dying out in Burma owing to the high price of vats.
In 1937 I received my black belt and was voted Pan-Asiatic champion, which title I hold to this day.'
SPECTATORS' GUIDE TO TIDDLYWINKS
- Order of Play. Each player squidges one wink and the one whose wink lands nearest to the pot starts the game. From then on the players have one shot each, playing in turn in a clockwise direction, but missing a turn if their wink leaves the carpet.
- End of Game and Scoring. The first player to squidge all his winks into the pot scores 5 points, the second 3 points, the next 2 points, and the last 1 point. In the event of a game not being finished within the time-limit, those points will be awarded according to the number of winks still left in play. The partners, who play at opposite corners, add their two scores together.
- Covering Rule. Nobody can play a wink that is being covered, however slightly, by another wink. When a pair has all its remaining winks covered the opponents are allowed 3 shots for every wink of theirs not covered or engaged in covering, after which they must free one of their opponents' winks.
TIDDLYWINKS IN CAMBRIDGE
It was in January 1955 that Tiddlywinks, which has been for many centuries an unjustly neglected sport, received official recognition when, probably for the first time in the history of mankind, a club was formed for the sole purpose of playing Tiddlywinks. Three of the founders of the C.U.Tw.C. are playing in today's match—Bill Steen, Lawford Howells, Brian Tyler.
During the first few months of its existence, the C.U.Tw.C. had difficulty in finding opponents. Invitations were sent to several well-known people—Gilbert Harding said he 'gave up the sport at the onset of adolescence at the age of six'; Denis Compton could not find anybody else to form a team with him, nor did he think that his knee would stand the strain; Stephen Potter was much impressed by the possibilities of the sport but could do no more than offer some useful advice on Tiddlywinkmanship. The Club humbly wrote to the Goons, offering to play them 'anytime, anywhere, at your own convenience', to which they replied that their convenience was unfortunately too small for a game of Tiddlywinks.
While this fruitless struggle for fixtures was being fought, the Club produced a Thesis on the 'Science of Tiddlywinks' which included chapters on the flight, spin and roll of a tiddlywink, and also some on the effect on Tiddlywinks of external factors like Wine, Women and Song. To determine exactly the best playing surface, many experiments were carried out on all the varieties of carpet that Eaden Lilley's had in stock. Eventually Berkshire needleloom, as supplied by Peter Shepherd and Co. of Reading, was found to be ideal for Tiddlywinks.
Then, at last, came a match. This was arranged by Noel Whitcomb of the 'Daily Mirror', who formed a team called 'Whitcomb's Winkers', consisting mainly of girls from West-End shows and theatres.
Since that, our first match and victory, the Club has led a quiet existence, broken only by matches with Addenbrooke's Hospital and Westminster College. The quiet existence lasted until October 1957, when an article with the following title appeared in the Spectator—'Does Prince Philip Cheat at Tiddlywinks?'
The C.U.Tw.C. challenged Prince Philip to a match so that he could prove his honesty at Tiddlywinks. Prince Philip accepted the challenge, but instead of playing in person, preferred to use the Royal privilege of appointing his champions . . . . . THE GOONS.
And now, what of the future? It seems that Tiddlywinks is standing at the threshold of a new era. Already clubs are being formed in several of the Universities of our land. Even Oxford, (where we have been trying, in vain, to raise a flicker of interest for three years), has founded a club and the first Inter-Varsity Tiddlywinks Match will take place next term. In June a World Congress will be held to draw up an International set of Rules, and to consider the possibility of national competition. The unjust neglect of past centuries is being remedied.