North American Tiddlywinks Association

NATwA founded • 27 February 1966


The journal of the Scottish Tiddlywinks Association

Issue No. 3. • June 1994 • Still FREE to members • PDF

Inside: The         Winks in       Lots and Lots    Nick Inglis'    and MUCH, MUCH
St. Andrews         Scotland        of SCORES.         AMAZING           more.
Open              before I was                        ratings.

Female Winkers Spotted At Pairs

– Allegedly

The Scottish National Pairs, 16-17 April

Saturday 16 April

The Times League

by Gavin Keyte

When the pairs had finally been decided and the technically challenging “THERZNO” mat rotation had been fully explained, we set down to the serious business of not playing very well.

Andrew Dominey and Jon Williams started strongly with the first bye of the day. Emma Anderson and Julian Porter didn’t start so well—the clock was barely ticking before we were deciding the pairs for a practice game. Patrick Barrie once again showed that he is the partner of choice for any novice (although they won’t know that at the time); he and John Wilson did well to get 6 against Rupert Thompson and Dave Clarkson. John Stevens and Tracey Black started with a zero against another strong pair, Matthew Rose and Stew Sage.

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 Some female winkers.

Gavin and Jon did the same again in the next round to Tracey and John – a little slower (but who isn’t these days?). Stew and Matthew were on the wrong end of a 7-0 as well – John (Wilson this time) doing the business and Patrick doing some more business. Julian and Emma notched up their first win – against Jon and Benedict.

In the round before lunch no-one took advantage except Sage and Rose, old hands at this sort of thing, who took full advantage of the bye. They were back at the Wine Bar before Gavin and Jon had left, having given Nipper and Benedict a sound kicking in the mean time.

After five rounds it was all to play for, with only Sage and Rose sure to go through although Keyte & Mapley and Barrie & Wilson were looking good (well, confident anyway).

It was in round six that two things I have long suspected were confirmed:-

– Patrick Barrie stated that he is irrelevant to which Julian Wiseman said, “No, I’m irrelevant, but curiously so.” ABSOLUTELY!

– Also, close observation of Rupert Thompson showed that, even though he was playing red, he became more yellow as the game progressed.

Well, the stops were duly pulled out by Jon and Gavin – their thirteen points in the last two rounds of the day helped force Rupert and Dave into the runners up league for Sunday. Nipper and Benedict finished strongly with their three wins of the day in rounds five, six and seven to squeeze into the final from nowhere.

Other finalists from the league were Patrick and John – doing very well to in three out of seven, maximise their PPL and come third in the group—and Matty and Stew who topped the league on number of wins as well as PPG.

The Courier League

by Ben Soares.

There was certainly a strange mix of pairs in this league: The 1993 champions had nobly returned to defend their title; Andy Purvis was partnering StATS’s latest recruit Iain Forsythe who started the tournament having only played two games a week before; due to the non-arrival of two expected StATS players Geoff Myers and Alasdair Grant were teamed up to make a last minute favourite (?); and Jo Mitchell and Elizabeth Whalley were playing together as the first all-female team in a National Pairs since as long as my Winking Worlds go back (April 1991).

Richard & Julian were looking good at the beginning of the day, with no losses and two 7*s after lunch. By their game against Graham & me in round 6 they seemed intent on a pot-out, and Julian’s impressive run of five, in about twenty-five seconds flat, left us wondering how many points we could salvage. However the sixth St. Ruled and was immediately pounced upon by blue. Graham started a counter-pot with red, whilst green made some valiant attempts to free the big yellow. Blue hung on and green decided to pot a few to come ahead of blue. The fifth red came off a blue in round 4 and was potted in round 5 to give a 4-3 to Graham & me.

Some tension became apparent in the Geoff-Alasdair partnership later in the day. Alasdair was claiming that he couldn’t make 6″ squops on a regular basis, and promptly shot himself in the foot with a marvellous 6″ squop to virtually wrap up the game. Later in the same game there was a most memorable outrage, but I forget what it was now.

To elaborate on the Andy & Iain partnership, considering Iain’s inexperience, they did extremely well to qualify a convincing third in the league. Iain may well be StATS’s secret weapon of the future.

Julian & Richard and Geoff & Alasdair not unexpectedly came 1st and 2nd in this league whilst Andy & Iain and Graham & Ben who were playing each other in the last round for a 2-1(!) also qualified.

Sunday 17 April

The Helvetica Runners-up League

by Julian Porter.

While the pairs who had qualified for the final settled down to business at the other end of the room those of the non-qualifiers who had bothered to turn up where galvanised in to some semblance of sentience by Jo Mitchell. In the small hours of that morning Ben Soares had strained his collection of strange fonts to the utmost in producing rotations for a four pair all-play-all twice, which turned out to be quite serendipitous as there were seven people available and the promise of one more in the not-so-distant future.

Things were not made any simpler by the fact that a process of attrition seemed to have affected partnerships, so new pairings had to be decided. Fortunately this arranged itself without Jo having to shout at us very much and the competition actually managed to start.

I can’t actually remember anything particularly unusual happening in the course of the winking, so I won’t bother to talk about that as I don’t suppose anybody is very interested in it anyway. Let the scores speak for themselves, or not, as the case may be. Suffice it to say that pairs Elizabeth & Julian and Jo & Richard tactfully arranged things such that there was a draw in third place while Rupert and Walter dug for victory.

On the other hand lunch was quite memorable, mostly due to Geoff deciding to eat two meals  simultaneously, Julian being spurred by this example to eat two consecutively and Jo drinking her coffee through some sort of biscuit.

When the whole thing was over and done with She who must be obeyed presented the winners (Rupert and Walter) with their prize, consisting of a glass bowl of some deeply significant sort, whose name has temporarily eluded me. Rupert was so taken with it that he announced that he would return to defend his title next year.

In conclusion I would like to say that I wholly fail to comprehend why the road leading to the Wine Bar should be uprooted every Sunday.

The Palatino Final League

by Gavin Keyte.

Dear Falling.

Bad for you, dear to miss that fifth wink.

Brings on squop up.

Never have little Geoff less then he was by strong fight his way past Mad Dog.

You are a perfect stranger.

The bomb is here (an elf)

Infernal machine with time fuse (BEEP!)

Squopped up again.

He succumbed to the disease from Nipper’s yellow.

The voice is the voice of Esau.

How is that possible?

If only I’d stayed on the Bristol.

How is that possible?

Round five – drawn game.

It is not in the penny catechism, doctors two.

Lost to novice again.

By metempsychosis. Spooks. Spies.

Or Wise Man.

John foghorns stormily through his megaphone.

“Oh rocks”

And Alasdair’s rating went down too.

Editor’s note:
Which all leads to the questions:
What, if anything, is Gavin on? and, Where can I get some? 
For a less cryptic report of what went on see WW63 when it comes out.

The Scottish National Pairs – A Novice’s View

by Emma Anderson.

Having been at the St. Andrews Open singles tournament in the Candlemas term, I joined StATS, and played a few games of winks between then and the pairs.

I more-or-less knew what to expect upon arriving at the Students’ Union on Saturday morning, but the singles had not prepared me for the sheer number of outside players who had also turned up. I found myself rather bewildered at first, but Elizabeth and Julian Porter kindly pointed out various winkers from outwith St. Andrews. Surprisingly, I found that names – for so long having been merely names on lists, or upon the lips of the more experienced StATS winkers – connected quite easily with the people present (Patrick Barrie for example, surprised me immensely by looking much younger than I had envisaged!).

I shall not comment overly on Saturday’s play, apart from noting that other winkers were generally free with advice for novices, and the fact that it is possible to improve one’s game over several hours’ play. I also discovered that a full day’s tiddlywinks is actually quite tiring, and that winkers can consume extraordinary amounts of alcohol!

The second day’s play, of which I missed several hours, I spent as a spectator, which is rather an absorbing pastime. It seems that I missed the playing of the most spectacular shots (later recounted to me in detail), but I had the leisure to observe the difference in the styles of game played by the various partnerships, which made some games more interesting than others. Again, mention must be made of Patrick and John’s games, which were always worth watching, if only for Patrick’s ebullience and Jon Mapley’s impressions of Charles Relle.

Perhaps I now ought to join ScotTwA!

The Scores

by the participants.

Saturday 16 April.

     Times League       A   B   C   D   E   F   G    Total   Position    

A    Gavin Keyte Jon    -   7*  6   3   7*  3   7*    33      1= (2)  

B   Stew Sage Matthew   0   -   6*  7*  7*  7*  6     33      1= (1)  

C    Rupert Thompson    1   1*  -   5   2*  1   7*    17      5     
      Dave Clarkson                                                 

D      Jon Williams     4   0*  2   -   3   4   6     19      4     
      Andrew Dominey                                                

E     Julian Porter     0*  0*  5*  4   -   4   1     14      6     
      Emma Anderson                                                 

F     Patrick Barrie    4   0*  6   3   3   -   6     22      3     
       John Wilson                                                  

G      John Stevens     0*  1   0*  1   6   1   -     9       7     
       Tracey Black                                                 

    Courier League      A   B   C   D   E   F   G    Total   Pos'n   

A     Richard Moore     -   2*  3   7*  7*  6   5.5  30.5     1     
      Julian Wiseman                                               

B      Tony Heading     5*  -   1.5 4   1*  1   5    17.5     6     
       Richard Hunt                                                

C    Graham Turnbull    4   51  -   4   1   4   2    20.5     4     
        Ben Soares          2                                       

D      Jo Mitchell      0*  3   3   -   0*  1   2*    9       7     
    Elizabeth Whalley                                               

E     Alasdair Grant    0*  6*  6   7*  -   5   4     28      2     
       Geoff Myers                                                  

F      Scott Talbot     1   6   3   6   2   -   1     19      5     
       Geoff Thorpe                                                 

G       Andy Purvis     1.5 2   5   5*  3   6   -    22.5     3     
      Iain  Forsythe                                                

Sunday 17 April.

Palatino Final League   A   B   C   D   E   F   G   H   Total   Pos'n   

A   Stew Sage Matthew   -   1   3   2*  6*  4   6   6     28    3       

B    Gavin Keyte Jon    6   -   1*  3   3   6   6   6     31    2       

C     Richard Moore     4   6*  -   0*  2*  6*  3   1*    22    5       
      Julian Wiseman                                                    

D     Alasdair Grant    5*  4   7*  -   1   6   6   6     35    1       
       Geoff Myers                                                      

E    Andy Purvis Iain   1*  4   5*  6   -   1   1   3     21    7       

F     Patrick Barrie    3   1   1*  1   6   -   6   3.5  21.5   6       
       John Wilson                                                     

G    Graham Turnbull    1   1   4   1   6   1   -   1     15    8       
        Ben Soares                                                      

H      Jon Williams     1   1   6*  1   4   3.5 6   -    22.5   4       
      Andrew Dominey                                                   

   Helvetica League     A       B       C       D        Total Pos'n   

A     Dave Clarkson     -   -   5   4   6   6   6   4     31    1       
     Rupert Thompson                            !!

B   Geoff Thorpe Paul   2   3   -   -   6   1   6*  1     19    2       

C   Elizabeth Whalley   1   1   1   6   -   -   2   6     17    3=      
      Julian Porter                                                     

D      Jo Mitchell      1   3   1*  6   5   1   -   -     17    3=      
       Richard Hunt     !!                                              

!! Jo played this game on her own.


Over the weekend of the Pairs, a well-known winker was heard to say: “She actually played quite well.” (although in reference to last year’s London Open). Anyone who can incorrectly guess the identity of this mystery winker may have there name or names printed in the next edition of The Squopsman. This competition is not open to Geoff Thorpe.

Memoires of an Inveterate Squidger

by Adrian C. Grant.

Tiddlywinks was perhaps at its zenith in the mid 1960s. The Silver Wink competition for Universities was well contested and the Bombay Bowl was eagerly fought for by Scotland and England in the context of a four-nations’ tournament which was held regularly. St. Andrews University had a tiddlywinks society and team, though I believe its only focus was in the then Queen’s College which became the University of Dundee.

I was already a confirmed enthusiast by the time I came up to Dundee in October 1966, having started Tiddlywinks clubs not only at Oundle but also at Tabor Academy in the USA where I had been on a year’s exchange through the ESU (where we also induced the formation of another club – at a not-too-distant girls’ `prep’ school – but these are, perhaps, another story). The St. Andrews/Dundee club was on the verge of collapse and in effect I was faced with the task of reforming it.

Several very enjoyable years of squidging ensued. Of course in those days halls of residence were strictly single sex (and the rule was that opposite sex visitors had to be out by 10pm, same sex visitors by 11pm !!!????). The winks mat proved an ideal place for getting to know someone of the opposite sex without having to appear to `take an interest’ or – by omission – disdainful. Airlie and Belmont Halls – the main male residences – and West Park and Chalmers Halls – their female counterparts – all provided teams. Cobbling together teams from flats and bed-sits proved rather more difficult. Not surprisingly romance also flourished as a result! Charities week included a marathon squidge through the city centre and there was even thought of squidging over the then relatively new-fangled Tay Road Bridge.

At Dundee in the later 1960s excellence on the mat definitely took second place – priority going to the social experience. Aberdeen University provided the best squidgers in Scotland and, consequently, the bulk of the Scottish team. I still wear with pride, however, the Scotland Tiddlywinks tie I gained as a member of the Scottish Team in the four nations competition held in Coventry in 1968, Unfortunately, that international series proved to be the swan song for Aberdeen and Scotland as a winking force for Dundee was never able to take up the challenge. Trawling through my shambles of papers from these days, I see a visit from a team from Hull. Playing on Mat 1, my partner Mike Campbell and I managed to draw 14-14 over the four mat all-play-all series, but the other three mats saw us trounced 81-31 overall.

General-secretaryship of ScoTwA passed variously to several Dundee students including myself and a flatmate Tom Garnett. By the time of his graduation I had lost touch for I was not able to take full advantage of my 1970/71 membership – too busy with other things and, by then, also at the College of Education.

Auntie Morag’s Problem Corner

by Auntie Morag

Dear Auntie Morag,

Whilst playing in the Scottish Pairs, I attempted a crud, wielding my squidger as a knuckle duster. Unfortunatley the table obeyed Hooke’s Law (UT TENSIO SIC VIS) and the outcome was to desquop every wink on the table. Now there was no notice attached to the table detailing maximum allowed squidging force.

Should my partner and I have claimed automatic tournament victory on the grounds of this obvious flaw in tournament organistaion?

Yours, jfbw.

Och weil,

Under normal circumstances, jfbw, I would say that immediate tournament vitory would be yours, but due to the contextual circumstances I think that an immediate ban on your partner gaining any more World Challenges is probably for the best.


Dear Auntie Morag,

I am concerned that others may be forging my name in correspondence of which I have no knowledge. Is this just paranoia?

Yours, jfbw.

Och weil,

I think it can be quite safely said that nobody that I know of is forging your name; it appears to be just the initials.


The St. Andrews Open

or how to make several people win a tournament.

by Jo Mitchell.

This report has already appeared in Winking World, but was written for The Squopsman, so there.

The Waffle.

Everyone except statistics turned up on time for the 10 o’clock start – a random draw put all StATS members playing each other and all external competitors battling between themselves.

Andy began the first round slowly, only managing 6 from a pot-out against Geoff Thorpe. The Swiss format exacted its penalty on me for good win against Sarah – I played Andy in the second round and it took him a full four minutes to get the seven.

On the whole StATS played extremely well (OK I’m slightly biased).Bruce particularly, found good form, finishing only 1/2 point behind Andy (after transfer that is).The fourth round saw a surprising 7-0 loss for Tim “Tim” Butterworth, StATS’ best and probably only pot-a-maniac. Elizabeth suffered from a poor handicapping decision, this has since been rectified – see final paragraph! Congratulations to Bruce, Graham and Ben for limited losses against Andy – faith in the handicapping system is restored! My tip for the future is Richard Hunt. He easily beat us StATisticians (someone had to do it) [/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Oh no they didn’t -ed] who are supposed to be more experienced and played very impressively against Gavin Keyte.

Lunch was taken in The Wine Bar. Now firmly established as the StATS local with staff on first name terms and our own bottle of mead!

The food was appreciated particularly by a certain Stopfordian, not currently resident in St. Andrews, who resolved to try everything on the menu. I believe he went some way to achieving this goal with the lubrication of a Bloody Awful or two.

After lunch an unexpected arrival was from Adrian Grant (a member of the real world at Freuchie and an ex-Secretary General of ScoTwA – yes in those days there was one T!). A firm believer in pot-squop managed to surprise the gentler competitors, “The two young ladies gave me the chance of potting three so I took advantage of them.” (!)

In the last round those of us who had not requested a bye and wandered off for a round or several were feeling mentally drained. I gallantly offered to shake on 1-6 against Gavin, after getting squopped up in eight minutes, but he refused, holding out for the 5*-2*. In fact the squop-up was reversed giving a final score of 4-3.

And the winner?

Well, that depends. Andy took home the elegant trophy (a university Brandy glass) but since the tournament Bruce, Ben and an Apple Macintosh have been trying different handicapping systems to get less worthy winners. I believe Andy, Andy, Andy, Bruce, Sarah, Elizabeth- and Adrian have won so far.The Scores

by some previous participants.

The number in brackets indicates the score after transfer (with the handicapping system used on the day!).

Round 1.

W. Bruce Turnbull 4 (4) – 3 (3) Julian Cole Elizabeth Whalley 1 (2) – 6 (5) Gavin Keyte Geoff Thorpe 1* (1.5) – 6* (5.5) Andy Purvis Graham Turnbull 5 (4.5) – 2 (2.5) Richard Hunt Sarah Watson 1 (1.5) – 6 (5.5) Jo Mitchell David Jackson 1.5 (1.5) – 5.5 (5.5) Ben Soares

Round 2.

W. Bruce Turnbull 5.5 (5.5) – 1.5 (1.5) Tim Butterworth Elizabeth Whalley 1 (2.5) – 6 (4.5) Geoff Thorpe Julian Cole 1* (.5) – 6* (6.5) Richard Hunt Andy Purvis 7* (4.5) – 0* (2.5) Jo Mitchell Gavin Keyte 5 (3.5) – 2 (3.5) Graham Turnbull Sarah Watson 1* (1.5) – 6* (5.5) David Jackson

Round 3.

W. Bruce Turnbull 4 (4) – 3 (3) Ben Soares Elizabeth Whalley 6 (5) – 1 (2) Sarah Watson Julian Cole 2* (2) – 5* (5) Tim Butterworth Geoff Thorpe 6 (4) – 1 (3) Jo Mitchell Andy Purvis 7* (6) – 0* (1) Gavin Keyte Richard Hunt 2* (2.5) – 5* (4.5) David Jackson

Round 4.

W. Bruce Turnbull 1* (3.5) – 6* (3.5) Andy Purvis Elizabeth Whalley 1 (.5) – 6 (6.5) Jo Mitchell Geoff Thorpe 6 (4) – 1 (3) David Jackson Gavin Keyte 5 (3.5) – 2 (3.5) Ben Soares Graham Turnbull 7* (7) – 0* (0) Tim Butterworth Richard Hunt 4 (4) – 3 (3) Sarah Watson

Round 5.

W. Bruce Turnbull 5 (4.5) – 2 (2.5) Richard Hunt Elizabeth Whalley 1 (.5) – 6 (5.5) Tim Butterworth Julian Cole 4.5 (4) – 2.5 (3) Sarah Watson Geoff Thorpe 7* (6.5) – 0* (.5) Gavin Keyte Andy Purvis 6 (3.5) – 1 (3.5) Graham Turnbull David Jackson 5* (5) – 2* (2) Jo Mitchell Ben Soares 7* (6) – 0* (1) Adrian Grant

Round 6.

W. Bruce Turnbull 1 (3) – 6 (4) Geoff Thorpe Julian Cole 6 (5) – 1 (2) Adrian Grant Andy Purvis 6 (3.5) – 1 (3.5) Ben Soares Gavin Keyte 4 (2) – 3 (5) Richard Hunt Graham Turnbull 6* (6) – 1* (1) David Jackson Jo Mitchell 2* (2) – 5* (5) Tim Butterworth

Round 7.

W. Bruce Turnbull 3 (4.5) – 4 (2.5) Gavin Keyte Julian Cole 4 (4) – 3 (3) Ben Soares Geoff Thorpe 6 (4) – 1 (3) Graham Turnbull Andy Purvis 7* (4.5) – 0* (2.5) Tim Butterworth Richard Hunt 4.5 (6) – 2.5 (1) Jo Mitchell Sarah Watson 0* (-.5) – 7* (7.5) Adrian Grant

Round 8.

W. Bruce Turnbull 6 (6) – 1 (1) Graham Turnbull Julian Cole 0* (2.5) – 7* (4.5) Andy Purvis Geoff Thorpe 6 (4) – 1 (3) Ben Soares Gavin Keyte 7* (5.5) – 0* (1.5) David Jackson Sarah Watson 0* (.5) – 7* (6.5) Tim Butterworth Jo Mitchell 1* (0) – 6* (7) Adrian Grant

Round 9.

W. Bruce Turnbull 4 (4) – 3 (3) David Jackson Elizabeth Whalley 2 (1.5) – 5 (5.5) Graham Turnbull Geoff Thorpe 6 (4) – 1 (3) Tim Butterworth Andy Purvis 7* (4) – 0* (3) Richard Hunt Gavin Keyte 4 (2.5) – 3 (4.5) Jo Mitchell Sarah Watson 0* (12) – 7* (6.5) Ben Soares Games TS TS NAME h’cap Played after ppg Pos’n h’cap W. Bruce Turnbull 2 (9) 33.5 39 4.333 2 Elizabeth Whalley 3 (6) 12 12 2 – Julian Cole 2 (7) 20.5 20 2.857 – Geoff Thorpe 6 (9) 50 36.5 4.065 5 Andy Purvis 7 (9) 59 39.5 4.389 1 Gavin Keyte 5 (9) 35 26 2.889 10 Graham Turnbull 2 (8) 28 34 4.25 3= Richard Hunt 1 (8) 23.5 31 3.875 6 Sarah Watson 1 (8) 8.5 11.5 1.438 11 David Jackson 2 (8) 22.5 25 3.125 8 Jo Mitchell 2 (9) 23.5 28 3.111 9 Ben Soares 2 (8) 29.5 34 4.25 3= Tim Butterworth 2 (8) 25.5 30 3.75 7 Adrian Grant 0 (4) 14 17.5 4.375 –

The ScotTwA A.G.M. 1994

The second ScotTwA AGM occurred on Saturday 16 April after the days play in the Pairs in the Salad Bowl in the St. Andrews University Students’ Union building. As I recall Geoff Thorpe put his foot in the air several times, and at least one time in his mouth. Just in case anyone wants to know what went on the minutes of the meeting are presented here:

(if anyone violently disagrees with anything then please write your grievance on the back of a postage stamp and send it to
Mr. W. B. Aikman,
The Grocery,
NCC 1701)


0 Graham welcomed members and opened the meeting.

1 Members present were:

Jo Mitchell (Secretary), Graham Turnbull (Chair), Ben Soares, Matthew Rose, Jon Mapley, Andy Purvis, Julian Porter, Stew Sage, Julian Wiseman, Richard Moore, Anthony Heading, Geoff Myers, Andrew Dominey, Gavin Keyte, Rupert Thompson.

Apologies were received from:

Bruce Turnbull.

2 The minutes of the 1993 annual general meeting were taken as written.

3 Report of the retiring committee.

3.1 Graham gave a report on ScotTwA’s activities in the last year.

These included hosting one and a half national touraments and an open.

3.2 Ben reported that as vice-chairman he had done nothing. He added that he had voluntarily served on many sub-committees including tournament (tables (chipboard)) and was sub-editor of the December 1993 Squopsman.

3.3 Jo reported that her job included the proven-impossible task of keeping the membership list up to date. On completion of the list members move or change their `phone numbers without fail 🙂.

Jo forgot to report that she had edited the Squopsman in 1993 but is now giving up the job to spend less time with her family (Ben will become editor – see later)!

3.4 In Bruce’s absence Ben reported that the Association had eleven pounds and seventy-six pence at the end of March 1994.

4 Graham proposed that the subscription be set at three pounds and fifty pence for members of the real world and two pounds for the unwaged.

There was an objection and a vote was taken.

In favour of the motion: 11

Against the motion: 0 (!)

Liberals: 4

5 The committee to serve from April 1994 until April 1995 were elected.


Proposed – Graham Turnbull. (Elected)


Proposed – Julian Porter. (Julian withdrew his name after dissent at the meeting)

– Richard Hunt. (Elected)


Proposed – Jo Mitchell. (Elected)


Proposed – Bruce Turnbull. (Polled 10 votes and was duly elected).

– Gavin Keyte. (Polled 3 votes).

Squopsman Editor:

Proposed – Ben Soares. (Elected)

6 Jo brought to the attention of the meeting that suggestions regarding the organisation of tournaments would be appreciated by the Tournament convener in the weeks before a tournament but were unhelpful after the official start-time at a tournament.

Jo reminded the meeting of ScotTwA’s raison d’étre i.e.”to promote the sport of tiddlywinks throughout Scotland”. ScotTwA is not and should not be in opposition to ETwA.

Jo proposed that the association apoint a committee member to be responsible for liaison with the other national associations.

Anthony Heading was proposed and duly elected to the new post of Liaison Officer.

7 The meeting closed with the singing of ScotTwA The Brave!

(And very well it was sung).

So there we go, a true saga of squops and pots, bold and italic, spanning at least part of one generation and several tabs.

Letters To The Editor

On Jello

Dear Sir,I must thank your journal for finally making it clear to me precisely what it is that Americans mean when they use the word `jello’. I had previously wondered what precisely was meant by that song from South Pacific in which our heroine remarks (a propos of nothing in particular) `You could say life was just a bowl of jello’ and now I know. Admittedly her reason for making this remark is no less unclear, as is whatever meaning she hoped to convey. On the other hand, the title of the song (`I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair’) is suddenly given a whole new meaning.

Yours baffled,

Julian Porter

On aCRonYms

[I believe this letter was sent after the Whitsunday Term StATS newsletter …-ed]


The correct (official!) abbreviation for that most patriotic of national organisations – the Scottish Tiddlywinks Association is


It is quite simple really …

`Scot’ is for Scottish, Scotland and Scot;
The nation renowned for ne’er missing a pot
[och, weil maybe a few].
`Tw’ is for Tiddlywinks, not so absurd;
The `w’ is little `cos it’s from the middle of a word.
And `A’? It’s for Association for that’s what we are;
You’ll find us associating in the Wine Bar.

The organisation fairy.

On S’mores


I would like to bring to your attention the Canadian culinary concept of “S’mores”. A S’more consists of a Graham Cracker squopped by a piece of chocolate, squopped by a marshmallow, squopped by a Graham Cracker. The pile is then enwrapped in aluminium foil and placed in a fire until the marshmallow and chocolate have taken a gooey wink-like form. Alas there is a severe shortage of Graham Crackers in this country, and Digestives appear not to produce the desired effect. Having seen none on the NATwA equipment list, I wonder if this calls for an appeal to Scottish ex-patriots through the pages of some emminent Scottish journal.

Yours faithfully,

Graham (not crackers) Turnbull.

Winks in Switzerland


I wish to protest most venemously about there being no article in this journal entitled “Winks in Switzerland”. I know that this must be the case as there simply aren’t any.

W do indeed have assorted squidgers, a mat, honky cows with tonky bells and the widest range of urinal flushing mechanisms in the Western World, but a pot and set? Non, Non, monsieur pas de tout!

In my position as StATS International Overseas Corresponding Honorary Representative (Switzerland) I clearly have a problem; Heidi dearly wants to learn how to Bristol Peter’s winks, but all I have to offer is “An Introduction to Tiddlywinks” by Purvis, Relle and Mapley. Though a stonking good read in its own right, it is simply not enough; Heidi wants a piece of the action and she wants it now!

Despite repeated requests, I am still devoid of equipment and thus I place my appeal through your columns. Please make cheques and postal orders payable to Fribourg Sanatorium for Tired and Bewildered Winkers. Remember, one day, you too may need Heidi to help squidge your winks.

I remain your obedient servant,

W. Bruce Turnbull esq.

The Ratings.

by Nick Inglis, a world full of winkers and a BBC micro (I think).

Many thanks to Nick who provides these (unofficial) ratings. These ratings are complete up to and including the second day of the English National Singles.

				Past Year
		        New	Old		Games
                      Rating	Rating	Diff	Rated 	Played	ppg

 Geoff Myers		2628	2628	0	59	68	4.912
 Dave Lockwood		2520	2520	0	58	59	4.672
 Larry Kahn		2509	2481	28	94	95	4.632
 Patrick Barrie	2503	2474	29	80	89	4.519
 Andy Purvis		2491	2491	0	115	139	4.141
 Jon Mapley		2477	2477	0	64	65	4.538
 Matthew Rose		2399	2466	-67	83	92	4.424
 Charles Relle		2380	2385	-5	79	81	4.451
 Richard Moore		2340	2357	-17	77	86	3.791
 Brad Schaefer		2331	2331	0	45	46	4.152
 Nick Inglis		2306	2312	-5	60	60	3.861
 Alan Dean		2298	2307	-8	63	65	4.131
 Ed Wynn		2281	2217	64	54	64	4.073
 Julian Wiseman	2263	2190	73	70	71	4.331
 Bob Henninge		2239	2239	0	37	38	3.741
 Rick Tucker		2237	2237	0	39	40	3.333
 Alan Boyce		2230	2237	-7	43	43	3.605
 Phil Scarrott		2205	2282	-77	61	61	3.762
 Tim Hedger		2202	2229	-27	34	34	3.662
 Jim Marlin		2201	2201	0	30	30	3.111
 Geoff Thorpe		2197	2197	0	73	73	4.030
 Anthony Heading	2195	2195	0	23	24	4.542
 Stu Collins		2105	2105	0	37	37	4.176
 Alasdair Grant	2098	2098	0	54	54	4.194
 Chris Wilson		2069	2069	0	37	42	3.937
 Gavin Keyte		2060	2057	3	113	113	3.916
 Jon Marchant		2044	2044	0	7	7	3.357
 Cyril Edwards		2028	2028	0	47	48	3.354
 Emma Anderson		2001	2001	0	6	6	2.333
 Ben Deane		1987	2006	-19	61	71	3.155
 James Cullingham	1965	1941	24	76	76	3.537
 Rupert Thompson	1962	1962	0	83	86	3.401
 Nick Reid		1942	1942	0	18	18	3.722
 Graham Turnbull	1923	1923	0	33	35	3.367
 Jon Williams		1923	1923	0	76	77	3.104
 Stew Sage		1915	1929	-14	67	74	3.250
 Ben Soares		1909	1909	0	44	46	3.261
 Paul Woodman		1908	1908	0	30	30	3.306
 Andrew Dominey	1890	1890	0	68	68	3.147
 John Stevens		1863	1863	0	2	8	2.375
 Dave Carslake		1843	1843	0	43	44	3.057
 Andrew Young		1811	1811	0	37	37	3.054
 Bruce Turnbull	1801	1801	0	18	22	3.712
 John Wilson		1795	1795	0	15	15	3.533
 Iain Forsythe		1776	1776	0	13	13	3.346
 Amy Smith		1772	1772	0	1	1	1.000
 Andy Milligan		1753	1753	0	43	45	2.911
 Paul Roberts		1735	1735	0	60	60	2.717
 Tracey Black		1711	1711	0	6	6	1.500
 Simon Julier		1710	1710	0	34	34	2.500
 Julian Cole		1673	1673	0	7	7	2.929
 Julian Porter		1665	1665	0	53	60	2.675
 Scott Talbot		1627	1627	0	8	8	3.375
 Tim Butterworth	1622	1622	0	10	10	3.217
 Kilian Anheuser	1622	1622	0	47	47	2.457
 David Jackson		1605	1605	0	10	12	2.875
 Adrian Grant		1590	1590	0	4	4	3.500
 Richard Hunt		1588	1588	0	38	38	2.921
 Elizabeth Whalley	1581	1581	0	79	80	2.381
 Jo Mitchell		1564	1564	0	44	44	2.511
 Ben Locker		1490	1490	0	11	11	2.545
 Sarah Watson		1262	1262	0	10	12	1.514
 Paul Grocott		1196	1196	0	10	10	2.900
 Steve Ferguson	1121	1121	0	2	2	3.667
 Jeremy Scott		1048	1048	0	4	4	1.250

As usual only those players with 30 or more rated games appear unless they are ScotTwA or ScotTwA club members. Other players may also appear by special request to the editor.

For interest (and to pad this out a bit) I will include the

Performance Ratings at the Scottish Pairs

			RG	Pl	Tot Sc	PerfR
Matthew Rose 13 13 61 2586 Geoff Myers 13 13 63 2584 Jon Mapley 13 13 64 2560 Patrick Barrie 13 13 43 .5 2399 Richard Moore 13 13 52 .5 2247 Anthony Heading 6 6 17 .5 2210 Geoff Thorpe 12 12 38 2197 Gavin Keyte 13 13 64 2127 Jon Williams 13 13 41 .5 2087 Julian Wiseman 13 13 52 .5 2050 Alasdair Grant 13 13 63 2043 Stew Sage 13 13 61 2032 Emma Anderson 6 6 14 2025 Andrew Dominey 13 13 41 .5 1997 Rupert Thompson 12 12 48 1956 Graham Turnbull 13 13 35 .5 1945 Ben Soares 13 13 35 .5 1928 David Clarkson 12 12 48 1875 Iain Forsythe 13 13 43 .5 1780 John Wilson 13 13 43 .5 1755 TraceyBlack 6 6 9 1720 Julian Porter 6 12 31 1667 Scott Talbot 6 6 19 1644 Jo Mitchell 12 12 26 1628 Richard Hunt 11 11 33 .5 1621 Elizabeth Whalley 12 12 26 1605 Paul Grocott 6 6 19 1185 Andy Purvis 0 13 43 .5 ---- John Stevens 0 6 9 ----

Concerning The Rules Of A Pub-Game

by Mr W. B. Aikman and his grocery assistant.

So as to clear up the rules of the Scottish version of Squop-Bristol-John Lennon Memorial Shot-Penhaligan, the game is played thus:

  The Shot          What you say          Where you    Who is next   Other information   

   Squop         P=0 mod 2 =>`squop'      The person   The person    A `class 1' shot.   
                 P=1 mod 2 =>`Bristol'    you intend   you squop                         
                                           to squop                                      

  Bristol        P=0 mod 2 =>`Bristol'     Not the      The person    Can only be said   
                 P=1 mod 2 =>`squop'      person who     who just    immediately after   
                                             just      squopped or      someone has      
                                         squopped or   jingsed you      squopped or      
                                         jingsed you                   jingsed you. A    
                                                                      `class 1' shot.    

John Lennon     `John Lennon Memorial      Not the      The person   A `class 2' shot.   
  Memorial              Shot'             person to    to your left                      
    Shot                                  your left                                      

 Penhaligan         `Penhaligan'           Not the      The person    This swaps what    
                                          person to      to your     you say for squop   
                                          your right      right        and Bristol. A    
                                                                      `class 2' shot.    

  Herring             `Herring'            Not the      The person                       
                                            person     alphabetical                      
                                         alphabetical    ly next                         
                                           ly next                                       

   Jings        M=0 mod 2 =>`jings'       The person    The person   A `class 1' shot.   
                M=1 mod 2 =>`crivvens'    you intend    you jings                        
                                           to jings                                      

  Crivvens      M=0 mod 2 =>`crivvens'     Not the      The person    Can only be said   
                M=1 mod 2 =>`jings'       person who     who just    immediately after   
                                             just      squopped or      someone has      
                                         squopped or   jingsed you      squopped or      
                                         jingsed you                   jingsed you. A    
                                                                      `class 1' shot.    

Help Ma Boab       `help ma Boab'          Not the      The person   A `class 2' shot.   
                                          person to    to your left                      
                                          your left                                      

 Michty Me           `michty me'           Not the      The person    This swaps what    
                                          person to      to your     you say for jings   
                                          your right      right       and crivvens. A    
                                                                      `class 2' shot.    

   Kipper             `kipper'             Not the      The person                       
                                            person     chronologica                      
                                         chronologica    lly next                        
                                           lly next                                      

 Carnovski           `Carnovski'           Not the      The person   Cannot be said by   
                                          person who   who started     the person who    
                                         started the    the round    started the round.  

  Spurious      `"Time for bed", said        The       Generally      Said by everyone   
                      Zebedee'           Barman/lady   ends the           when the       
                                                       game.            Barman/lady      
                                                                        shouts `Time     

  • P is the number of Penhaligans already played in the round.
  • M is the number of Michty Mes already played in the round.
  • The fourth consecutive shot of a single class is illegal.
  • The game is started with a squop or jings (by the person who last went wrong or the fool who initiates the game).

I have made a distinction between the name of the type of shot and what you say for the shot so as to confuse matters even more.

The Squopsman is the journal of The Scottish Tiddlywinks Association and is edited by Ben Soares ScotTwA costs £3.50 for a yearly subscription (£2.00 for the unwaged).