The Missing Wink 3 • February 1975

Like a seed planted for a future harvest, a parcel was buried by a bleary-eyed but far-sighted Winx Canada team outside Ithaca, N.Y., at the time of the 1974 Western Regionals. Easily refindable by its proximity to a field of 26 cows, this stash of strategy would prove to be one of the keys to the wild outcome of the 1975 Continentals…

The atmosphere was electric on that fateful Saturday in February, the first day of the Continentals. Heading Division I was a hard-on MIT team, a team that gave new meaning to the “Cambridge blues”. Stung by the petering out of their proposed January marathon and the discovery that 40 Boston winkers couldn’t get it up as long as six Boy Scouts, MITWA cruised into town lusting for their first big score. Rivendell remained in seclusion, away from the devil’s temptations, while Serurnan dipped into his bag of drix for a pinch of Gotter-dammerung. But woe to the Zoo, who, perhaps too confident of Saturday’s victory, played a challenge round with Toronto on Friday night and found their downfall in cow dung. Mr. Vegetable, up all night in a toking duel with Goff and Myro, vanished in a puff of smoke. The Zoo hunted through the fields, looking for a replacement, and literally stumbled upon a certain Bozo, recently returned from Morocco. Befuddled and befogged, they hung close to MIT, but Rivendell’s new double blitz, double boondock, double whammy tactic reduced them to helpless turds of laughter, and they gurgled all the way down the drain.

Meanwhile, in Division II, the traditional schedule-tampering had provided openings for two Toronto pairs to participate along with the usual three from Somerville, Cornell, and the TKO’s. Somerville almost didn’t make it to the match, having gotten into an accident on the way to Ithaca. The opposing car was totaled, and its driver, one Steve Robbins, was obliged to look karma in the eye and join the team. Cornell, as usual, was prepared to play the host and accept defeat gracefully. They got a little resistance on that score, however, from the TKO’s, who, in accordance with their new constitution (see “Hyth TKO’d at Westerns” in this issue) were out to play for fun. Since they were more serious about having a perquackey tournament on Sunday, they decided to avoid getting into the finals at any cost by reversing Mr. Lokweed’s first “object of the game”, namely “to win”. As * said later, they were “as hot as ice”; poor Gammer strangled in his scarf as his team subbed and piled themselves into blissful surrender, and * potted out his opponents, while boondocking himself off the mat. * led his squad with a 0.6 p.p.g., eclipsing a mark set by a McGill pair in the 1971 Pairs Tournament. Finally, Toronto, fielding whoever could stand, blitzed their opponents and themselves in an effort to prolong a strategy marathon begun 12 hours earlier. When they learned they had bungled their way into the finals, they fell asleep in dismay. The snow began to fall.

Ithaca’s imaginary sun, however, had not yet set before further events took place, which are indirectly responsible for the late appearance of Newswink. (We are enjoined by the NATwA Supreme Court from publishing the details of the embroglio so as not to reveal the facts before they are concocted. The recipe, we expect, will come forth in the 1980 issue.) The practical result of it all was that Dave Barbano, checking his cows up at the Ag School, found Wee Willie there, asleep in the hay, and Catnip Renke, complete with squidgers, was sold to the Rivendell team for 3¢ a pound. Interviewed the following morning, the engineer of the deal said, “He’s worth his weight in renks.” Said engineer also mentioned that she’d thrown in her own services as part of the deal for free and added, “I just want to play with a winner.”

Thus the stage was set for the finals on Sunday with an anxious MIT team on the pole position with 33, Rivendell 30, Somerville 24, and Toronto 18. A tense situation developed right at the beginning when it was decided by a 2-1 vote that Toronto would be allowed three pairs, despite having used only two to make the finals, and their comeback was under way.

Severin began soon to discover that Catnip and his squidgers were a Pandora’s box of trouble. Catnip demanded Dealin’ Diane as his partner, but Drix did also. In the end they decided to arbitrate the question; the only person they could agree would be equally unfair to each of them was Tim Schiller, and Tim decreed they should play with each other and leave Diane to Dave Pinckney.

Toronto came out smoking. And Severin discovered that Bill and Diane, with their fickle catnip ways, had pledged never to squop with any other partner. Severin struggled valiantly, even once potting out against what was effectively three opponents, but Rivendell could salvage only 23 points from the round. And the Somervillains brought MIT back to earth, plodding relentlessly to a 38-25 decision.

Going into the last round then, Somerville was looking good with 62 points, trailed by Toronto and MIT at 58 and Rivendell, sulking at 53. The wizard threw up his wands in disgust and resigned the captainship, leaving Tina in command. With Bill and Sev separated now, Rivendell began to close the gap, as Somerville felt the bite of vengeance from both ends. MIT and Toronto battled neck and neck, but in the end Toronto’s depth earned them a one-point win, and their whoops and hollers echoed through the hall. In the only game outstanding, Diane had just potted out in rounds against Somerville’s Don and Rich; Renke was ready for the kill when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw his old nemesis before him. “Here,” said Goff, “pot now—play later.” Just one toke was all it took, and the DT’s were calling out for Mr. Vegetable. The game score was 5-2; the final Toronto 90, Rivendell 89, MIT 89, Somerville 89. Thus did the now legendary Bill Renke knock off the three top contenders and return the CHYM trophy to Canada; the Zoo by not playing, Somerville by playing against them, and Rivendell by playing for them.